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| i aLmOSt gOt married LaSt night |
i almost got married last night with my boyfriend's friend whom i haven't even met in person. duh! what a dream i had. it was too vivid that i can see faces and i felt the moments.
i was with my bf (who played as a friend in the dream) and two other girl friends. it was my wedding day but it was raining hard so i couldn't proceed to the church. my friends and i went to my old house instead (it was my family's house in the province when i was in elementary grade) and there we had fun, ate some tropical fruits and other delicacies. an hour have passed and we were still there. the wedding was supposed to be at 3:30pm and it was 4:30 already when i started thinking about it. although the whole time i know that the guy i'm supposed to get married with was waiting in the church with family and guests. the rain has stopped and we're supposed to go back to the city but we decided to wait for my spouse's call. and so he did. i was talking to him and i was trying to apologize of course telling him that i ate crab and i had allergies which made me fall asleep so my friends were waiting for me to be awaken and then they will take me to the church. LOL (i feel kinda stupid) but actually i just made that up on spot, i was thinking at that moment that after his call, i have to tell my friends about it so when they will be asked, we'll tell the same stories. my bf interrupted asking me how to spell some word. i whispered that andrei (his friend's name) is on the other line. i had to repeat twice 'cause he didn't hear me clearly. he understood and left.
later, i was with andrei already. he picked me up from my house (in the city already) and we took a walk. the street we were walking was o vivid. i know the places they look very familiar. it was the main road in my city which i always walk from school (in high school) to the center of the town where i can take a ride going home. there was a church (which i used to go when i want to be alone) along the way from which across from it was indicated as my house. at the end of the street was another church. the main church in the city. it was bigger and we are supposed to get married there. it was the church where i attended masses when i go with friends or family. along the way, i was trying to ask for forgiveness and he didn't get angry. at once he accepted my apologies. i was happy at first but i was hit by my conscience so we stopped and i seriously told him that i was really sorry and that it was so kind of him to accept me just like that. i told him that it was really bad of me. he knew but he said it is okay. i wanted to reward him him of that so i asked him for a kiss. he gave me a smack. i asked for more, and another smack was given. it felt bland. and he tried to mimic my being small like my bf always does.
i felt indifferent. suddenly i felt sad. i didn't feel anything in that kiss. it was like kissing a cold surface. i didn't even feel his lips. i didn't like its shape either. though it was just a smack, i sure felt it was not the one i want. i also didn't feel the fun when he was mimicking me. it didn't fit him i guess. he was so thin and he isn't cute. it didn't bring a smile on my face nor a tickle to my heart. i suddenly missed my bf. then i woke up feeling, realizing the whole story.
i turned to my bf and hugged him. i bitched him out last night on some small thing hehe and slept without hearing his "i love you". i guess it stayed in my sub-conscious that is why i had that dream.
putting the dream aside, i was happy to realize that it was him (my bf) who could make me feel happy. it was his kiss which i wanted. and it was his humor which makes me laugh. i'm glad that even in my dream i felt that it is him whom i love. (",).
there is one thing i am afraid about relationships... choosing the wrong person. i have seen so many couples separate in later time realizing that they are not happy with the man/woman they chose to get married with. if they would have realized it in the beginning then maybe they wont end up that way 'cause i don't see any point in being together and later separating. i hate it and i'm afraid of it.
people say it always worth trying. they say you have to meet few wrong people first before finally ending up with the right one. they say experience is necessary to make the right choice. i don't know... but i also believe that "we need not commit mistakes in order to learn". we can always learn from others experiences and/or by logic trusting our own heart.
as of the moment, i don't wish for anything else but good moments with my bf. i am happy spending my life with him all these 2 years and a half and i still want to go on. and i suspect that he is happy with me too. LOL.
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Posted by mislyn on 2009-07-11 23:17:10 | Rating: | Views: 26
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