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| the mind to mouth experiment |
I am twenty-two years old, the past couple have months have been me, sitting alone in a boat that has hit turbulent waters and though the river has had some beautiful, calm spells, the turbulence commences and I feel completely unable to escape this cycle.
My life has been torn with cycles for years& years now. But damn it, I am twenty-two years old. The forefront of these cycles is the relationship I have with food. I eat when I am bored, when I am lonely, when I have any sort of craving, when I'm cold-- basically, whenever I can justify putting something into my mouth. This relationship has caused me to be slightly overweight for the majority of my life . Being slightly overweight is a difficult place to be. I am constantly try to categorize myself as "thin" or "fat"-- but I am mushy middleground. My arms and legs are relatively trim, my torso is a bit flabby. It's uncomfortable because my pants never fit right because I suck in the gut that I have to give the illusion that it isn't there. In doing so, I limit breathing passages and spend much of the time suffocating-- or barely breathing.
With this said, I can't seem to get a handle on the steps I need to take to overcome this obstacle. Logically, I need to put into practice one equation: calories in < calories burned. And it seems so simple, and would be, except that food has a complex role in my life. Food is not sustenace. Food is control, lack of control, indulgence, recklessness, friendship, love, forgiveness, and loathing.
Also, let me note that this is the first time I'm really admitting all of this to myself (let alone the puuublic interwebs!). I'm not exactly sure how to manipulate the part eating plays in my life to be a healthy, balanced, suitable diet.
I am a vegetarian and I adore healthy eating! It's just that, especially induced by feeling lowly of myself, I overeat. I binge. I crave calories, calories, calories. I play this game where I dare myself to eat, I imagine the exact thing I would eat if only I would let myself-- then I just DO it. And even while I am doing it... while I am preparing it or chewing it or swallowing it-- I am asking myself "why? why? WHY!"
So I have begun this blog as a sort of experiment. Can a girl just put her mind to something and do it? Can someone who is utterly addicted to food break free through writing her daily trials and successes? This is my goal.
More specifically: in the next 2 months I want to have this whole struggle behind me. I want food to be sustenance. I want to be able to enjoy luxurious foods on rare occausions and not feel awful for doing so. I want to trim down and be more active.
Thus:
Everyday I will catalogue what I have eaten , where I have eaten it.
I will also catalogue how I feel on each given day and how that effects my eating patterns.
I want to get a handle on what foods I crave when I am in different moods.
First, I will eat 3 meals per day.
I will focus on different recipes and food groups.
I will also share various health articles and food tips here.
I am allowing myself one sweet thing a day.
I am allowing myself 2 coffees/teas a day.
I am encouraging 30 minutes of walking a day.
I am requiring 30 minutes of yoga daily.
I am requiring 5-10 m inutes of meditation daily.
i will do amazing things.
this is just the beginning <3
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