feel extremely vexed
well when is my life not vex?
if it's too smooth sailing i would complain too
very hard to please right?
why is all my schedule clashing together one by one as the days passes?
stop inserting dates that don;t fit into the schedule for important events at the very last minute...
it makes planning ver very difficult...
not very comfortable with the interview tomorrow...
i don't know why i'm going ahead with it although i know i have no chance of success
if that's how i feel now then how am i going to promote and convince the committee tomorrow?
all the various events that's unfolding is also driving me mad?
how do i plan my time when there's no way to?
it's not my fault really....
if they don't put in so many additional training dates that were not mentioned right at the beginning...
it's just not right...
they can't possibly think that people are free all the time right?
i am super not free and i seriously need work to do....
maybe i should not sign up for so many stuff
maybe i should just slack away
but that would not be me
i am a workaholic
i need eo keep moving
and all thanks to some incompetent people in the group i got a bad grade this term
why are they incompetent?
because i have better ideas that they refused to accept and i have no other choice because they happen to be the only people that are willing to accept me....
why are my ideas good? because i have a way better grade for my individual work which would be a better gauge of my actual ability
i feel so indignant...
but life's like that...
it happens....
now i don't know how to reject....
i'm not good at rejection....
 and people always tell me i think too much...
people don't even feel bad about refusing others but i am always taking things very hard...
maybe i should just be more thick skin...
but i can't stand it because i have already made a promise in the beginning and i hate people who break their promises....
forget it....
just break all my promises...who are they anyway...
after the project they are not needed any more and would be just strangers...
who would bear such grudges?
well actually some people do...but i can't do anything to stop them so just forget about it...
but i can't let go so it has been living with me for a very long time....
now i don't feel like going for the interview anymore
i should just screw up the interview and be a normal student...
actually  wasn't very sure of it when i applied and i am still not sure even now...
maybe this is just not what i wanted...
if i wanted it badly enough i would not be having second thoughts now...
so it's not what i desire so i will give up tomorrow and stop giving trouble for myself...
hope i'll stop thinking about it tonight and get enough sleep just let tit pass tomorrow...
maybe i'll feel better this way..
anyway i've already given up lots of things so what difference will giving up one more thing make...
i did not make it the other time round a few years back
a few months back i did not make it either
instead my enemy got it
what irony can it make?
so it is just not surprising that i did not get it this time....
rejected....final....that's it.....

zettai kareshi still floating in my head...
can't bring myself to see another drama anythime soon
the last few episodes were so tear inducing...
maybe i was just yearning for a good cry...
sometimes that is all i need
i would cry continuously for no reason when i see a very sad part of a show....
that's what happen when you are sad enough and have pent up all your emotions that is not able to be released...
well i had a really good cry that day...
not have it for a very very long time...
i cried till my eyes were so puffy and swollen...
luckily my mum did not notice or she would think that someting is wrong with me again...
i just need to let out my sadness that have accumulated for a long time...
i really enjoy crying...
maybe i'm just a cry baby....
but i'm strong and i know that...