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my heart fell

i guess if there was a day where i would be so disturbed, it would be today
maybe i should thank god that all the unhappy things all happen at once which is today...
that way other days would be better...
but all the unhappiness all at once?
i wonder how i could take it...
the other time i had such great disappointment,
it wasn't really registered until very late in the day...
i lost my appetite...
i was totally in a super super low mood...
and this lasted for days...
i could feel it so strongly...
i wasn't anticipating and i was super duper sad...
so sad that i couldn't really talk...
this time round it could be worse...
first i got a really terrible grade...
something that i could not even bear to mention...
it was as if like if i mentioned it, my head would burst this very moment...
in fact my heads hurt terribly now from containing this piece of information that is so unforgiving...
i cannot forgive myself for the bad grade, i simply can't....
how am i supposed to face the world, tomorrow?
it's strating to settle in now...
forget it i expected it anyway this time round but reality is still so hard to accept...
so hard... so difficult... so unbearable...
i want to cry but i can't...
i can't do anything that will change this fact...

it certainly didn't help that i had to do a module by myself with no friends at all
i'm struggling so so hard...
really i am...
my heart is going to hurt soon...
and today i was being htrown aside for pair work...
that certainly hurts...
going to a new group where everyone else are already friends with each other certainly didn't help either...
i felt so lost...
no one wanted to talk to me...
i tried to be nice and be cool...
but i can't...
i wish i can get out of this place soon...
i want to leave quickly...i want to escape...
i am not surviving well now and i want to run away...
quickly let time fly past quickly....
close my eyes and let all this unhappiness past....
please god give me strenght and courage to make this all go away...
go away....

i regret....
again i did things that i won't forgive myself for...
again i am letting myself down...
again i am not doing what i deserve...
again again and again...
i'm really sick of this...
i hate myself for being so stupid...

Posted by milo on 2009-04-28 07:04:54 | Rating: