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i don't want to botter anymore

alright i've decided....
i'll just do whatever i can
and anything that i'm able to do i can't do anything about it....
i would just have to let it go
and stop worrying about how other people will perceive me
i've always been trying to keep up a good image which is why things are always so difficult
so i shall be this bad and irresponsible person for once....
well i'm not really irresponsible in the eyes of others but in my opinion not being able to keep your promises no matter what the reason is is irresponsible
so yah i'm irresponsible
should not have worried so much
worrying would not change anything
i had attempted not to make a decision
but not making a decision in itself is already a choice.....
since a choice have to be made either way, why not make it a short painful one instead of prolonging the agony and uncertainty.....
i don't like uncertainty....which explains why i always want things to be accounted for properly.....
certainty puts people at ease and makes them feel prepared although i know that can never be a situation where one is fully prepared....
this is all a result of my greediness....
i wanted to do too many things at one time....
thinking that i can manage and that each activity would only take up a certain amount of time....
in the end i was proven wrong....
those people did not add in the time for planning and preparation.....
which is what makes me in such a difficult situation now....
all the preparation dates clashes....
i guess there would be others who could do less than what i'm able to commit for now
well at least i have to convince myself that i'm not the one doing the least....
even if it is i already tried my best to plan and fit everything in
even so there are still bits and pieces that i have to sacrifice because i just can't split myself into 2 or 3 in a single time space.....

why do i want to take up so many activities in the first place you might ask......
asking for trouble isn't it?
my reply would be i live to be busy and kept occupied....
it gives me a sense that i'm important although i know that it is not necessarily true
being so busy makes it seem like you have lots of engagement....
another reason is that i'm greedy
i want to have fun, make friends, enlarge my contacts and make more money at the same time....
and the result is this....
and i'm still htinking of doing more....
but there are others whom i know are doing more that what i'm doing.....
and they don't seem to have that many troubles...
the key lies in not worrying so much...........
so i should just forget about being so good and trying to attend every single thing......
that's the way of life....

my friend was asking me last night so do you enjoy what you are doing?
well i think that'sa very good question....
he said that there was no point doing things that i do not enjoy......
i never stopped to ponder about this question....
all along, my decision has been based on what i want, what others have that i want as well and what are the benefits of doin gwhat i want.....
i've also believed that no matter how bitter an activity is, the experience it self would be worth the effort..........
that is not bothering about whether it is enjoyable or not
because when years past and you meet more nasty stuff than what you are experiencing now, you would feel that it is enjoyable.....
lucky time flies as we grow up..........
because if that's the case, the amount of less dificult times that we are going through now would be more than the more challenging times that we are going to go through in the future.....
i would not wan to spend so much time going through the more challenging period.....
so i should be grateful for whatever that is happening now whether it is good or bad............

Posted by milo on 2009-06-10 23:00:20 | Rating: