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| Saying No: What a Concept
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 THIS BLOG IS ABOUT a quest for balance and reminding myself what’s important.
Tuesday was a big day for me: my first coaching client for Writers’ Muse Coaching Service. I was excited but also nervous. I had a plan to prepare for the tele-coaching session that involved reading and reviewing client background info as well as two written assignments.
The call was scheduled for 2:15. Around 9:30, an email came in from my husband: an enthusiastic invitation to lunch with a work colleague and his wife at one of my favorite restaurants.
Here in Jackson, Mississippi, you have to be on the ball at lunch-time if you want to get a seat in a good restaurant. Helen was planning to pick me up at 11:15 and drive me to and from the restaurant. Everything was already arranged, I just needed to be ready when she drove up to my front door.
Wait. Is there something wrong with this picture? A friend who says I will drive you to and fro because she knows I don’t have a car at the moment. Very sweet and thoughtful. A chance to get out of my home office and eat something besides ham sandwiches or leftovers for lunch. Goody. My favorite restaurant. Yum. What could be better?
But the feeling that someone else’s schedule was trying to superimpose itself onto mine caused a gut reaction. Hmm. Do I go out and enjoy a convivial lunch and still be back in time for my Skype appointment? Or do I quietly stay home and let myself gradually drop into the mental and emotional zone I wanted to be in for the coaching session? After all, with our modern technology, we can be in more than one place at a time. I could have done both. We can have it all, or so the urban legend goes.
But my life has been littered with experiences based on not having the courage or self-commitment to say no. Fortunately, this time it was a reflex reaction. I hit Reply almost without thinking and told my husband that my big priority for the day was to be calm and focused for my 2:15 appointment.
I did have some twinges of regret about disappointing my husband (mingled with a feeling that I’m lucky to have a husband who would be disappointed if I couldn’t come) . . . but the world somehow soldiered on without me. Nothing dire happened as a result of saying no. Nobody hated me or abandoned me.
Instead, my day went beautifully, the coaching call felt 100% balanced and right, and my client—as well as me, myself and I—received the benefits of my focus and emotional presence. As opposed to what I instinctively knew would be a scattered energy by trying to cram too much living into a milestone day.
I promised myself I would take the time to write up this story. I know I may need to take a refresher course on saying no—and perhaps sooner than later. What better way than to learn from myself and my own experiences?
“What a concept,” as Snoopy might have said, if born in a different generation. Saying no can actually feel good.
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Posted by millithornton on 2007-09-14 09:18:08 | Rating: | Views: 93
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Hi! We're neighbors - I live in Richland MS. I have also recently had to learn not to feel guilty when I needed to say no!
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Posted by hoppity
on 2008-06-21 16:05:55
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