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i just am sittine here scrolling thro my space...( god i hate hearing my self desprate)
I just keep going to one particular page.. this guy i met. I first saw this guy in the salon i worked in. I remeber the day because he forgot his paycheck book and had to come back to get it. he was beautiful I got butter flies the second he looked at me. it was unspoken. but never went any where at that point.
OOOh my heart just aches right now. A few months later i had cut his hair a few times, i had a secret crush. I just was in awe the more i got to know him. He was so different from my fiancee. i kept thinking to my self i wish i had met hime first.
around christmas mike and i were not doing well ( at least in my head we werent) one late night in the salon he came in and i casually had him come back to my chair. in a chair adjacent to mine was the owners client. he stopped the owner form cutting his hair and intteruppted me and KENNY ( the guy i have a crush on) the other client said "you two... stop what you are doing... take a look in the mirror ( so we did) and tell me you tow would not make the MOST beautiful couple." he demanded that kenny ask me on a date.. i flitatshisly said "MAYBE" with the intention of HELL YA!! lol it was awkward in the good way. so good. the next week he came in to atn while i was there alone. oh my... he went into the room and came back out with his shirt off.. i knwe then he liked me for sure... he dicided to get another haircut. He asked me on a date to go to a party with him on NEW YEARS. i almost died.. its been so long since i had done any thing that fun... of course i said yes. i had to go... it was too promising.
That evening he called back.. and wanted to meet up before NEW YEARS because he didnt want it to be awkward. so we planned to go out the next night.
Every one at the salon warned me months ahead of time to have a pan B with mike. i never offically made one alothough in my mind i wanted out.
So any way lets move on to Friday. I told mike i was going out with my friend from work.. which he was pissed about. i didnt care at all.
I went and talked and flirted, next thing i knew we could get enough of each other. it was amazing. it was the kind of kiss you couldnt get sick of in 20 years. He jus tmade me feel free.
We ended up having more than we bargined for. a guy was hitting on me at the bar and i told Kenny next thing i knew the were fighting in the parking lot... then... no JOKE........... MIke and his sister found me.. we exchanged plenty of words.. not so kind i might add. i just wanted to get the heck out of ther with kenny so i could finish my fun night before mike made me come home.
I ended up pretty drunk... and at kennys house. i liked him so much i DIDN"T even let him touch my you know what.. i only let him get to first (boobs in my book) now thats saying alot because normally... i just want to have fun, im not thinking long term , ya know.
The next morning he begged me to call off work and stay in bed with him.. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.. why do i have to be so dam responsible...
i went to work. like an idiot.
So here is the catch.. i was to go to kennys right after work. but i felt bad for mike so i wanted to go home and see if we could end this for sure, ( selfishly i really wanted a fucking shower.)
So to my surprise mike wanted me back.. stupid man.. he should have drop kicked me to the curb. ( but he is blind and needs me)
I refused i sure as hell now didnt want to miss out on my New YEARS plans.
i said no, fuck off, and peace. i had no way of calling kenny or for that matter getting to his house.
it took 3 pay phones 10 calls and no answer to kenny that i decided to go to back home.
THIS IS WHERE I WANTED TO DIE..... I HAD TO MAKE AMNEDS WITH MIKE INDEFINATELY IN ORDER TO SLEEP THERE. ( I HAVE FEW FRIENDS IN iNDIANA CAUSE I JUST MOVED HERE A YEAR AGO.)
Everyone i did know was related or friends with mike.
I layed in bed that night crying... i knew right then .... i made my life decision.. you know that fork in the road.. and you have to decide what you want the rest of your life...what i saw was..me standing in front of uncertainty and and familiartity. its was the worst freaking feeling i ever had.
Neither options were appealing.. i just went with what i knew. mike.
Low and behold mike wanted to move i never went back to work after saturday. and we moved to angola a week later.
LOOKS LIKE I SHOUD HAVE STAYED IN BED WITH KENNY AFTER ALL.
I AM SICK.
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Posted by merica1006 on 2008-01-30 20:04:07 | Rating: | Views: 70
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Girl,
I've been there before. But I learned the key to no more regrets is a good standard. Some situations I just don't allow myself to get into anymore. You should read my blog about sexuality. It'll bless you.
Katrina
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Posted by ptopsdyahoocom
on 2008-01-31 07:09:23
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