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I decided today to start a journal.
I havent done this in a while so... this might be a little rough for a while..
Well this past year has been semi sweet. Thats the only word i can use to describe how i feel about the events that happend.
Where i am today is not really where i want to be.
I am a mom and engaged. Neat, huh. Well i wonder really why i had wanted this life so bad? I mean I have made so many rash decisions and they all were what i wanted at the time... but the now that i have what i thought i wanted its not so appealing to me any more.
I mean i wanted a baby and i got it. I wanted someone to love me and i got it.
I want stability and i got it. I wanted responisibility and well the list goes on... But how , jus thow can i be so unhappy.
Its not that i am so unhappy... its more i always want more.. i want to be wanted and desired by other men, i want more clothes i want more excited ment i want ..... more sex i want more... i want a better high....
What do i do with my self, i am never satisfied. never.
I have lived quite a few diffrent lives. I done the single thing, ive done the good girl thing i ve done the faithful thing, ive done the drugs.. ive done the work a holic thing, ive done the school... Its like i m not sure what made me the happiest. seriously... cant i find a palce and be happy????????????
I suppose today i''ll take a few vicodin and go through the motions.. until to maroow.
e
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Posted by merica1006 on 2008-01-18 12:40:57 | Rating: | Views: 59
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Trying to find ones place in the world is hard. Everyone is constantly searching for the fountain of happiness. Starting a journal is a really good idea. It helps alot in sorting out everything.
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Posted by emotionalmassacre
on 2008-01-18 13:11:42
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Hey ive been searcing for the meaning of life for-ever , well i havnt found it yet?....I can totaly relate , i allways want more , money , sex , love , possesions and even when i get the HIGH of getting what i want its only tempory , so i need more to get that BUZZ , ive given up on the meaning of life!...Im just glad to make it through the day!...Thanks for your comment on my BLOG....Take care!.
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Posted by WhindWhispers
on 2008-01-28 20:21:30
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