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The last four days have been HELL!

Ok, so it all started Friday, I was absent from school for three days and came back on Friday to get the work I missed, well I missed so many tests that I didn't see how I was ever going to make them all up. Well Mrs. Lynch asked me if I wanted to wait a couple days to do her test and I said no I'll be fine. Well I can tell you now I should have taken those days. So I took her test to Pre-Cal (And apparently that's a No-no with her, she doesn't like her tests done in another class, outside of her room, other teachers don't care and she never said she did so that part was a misunderstanding).

And I got some of the questions right but I couldn't get all of them, so I cheated, using the book to answer the ones I couldn't get. Normally I wouldn't feel so bad, I use to cheat on my Biology stuff all the time--it was the only way I'd pass that class--but I'm good with everything else and so I definitely didn't do my best and disappointed myself. But not only that but I love Mrs Lynch and I felt terrible, cause now I destroyed what trust was there. So today at lunch I went to put my books in her room and I was about to leave but something told me to tell her, so I did. And got rightfully told off, no complaining.

Yes I told on myself, I am such a loser, and I probably should have kept my mouth shut, so I don't really know if I did the right thing (Regarding telling) or not but it's out now.

Than on Sunday, I get this text from Lydia (My adoptive Aunt) saying she wants me to take Pics of Kenz, Ash (Her two daughters) and I off of facebook, and only the ones with me in it, because I'm Lesbian now and they don't want their daughters associated with me anymore. Regardless that Kenzie is my best friend. Not anymore.

So than this morning, I hate Pre-calculus, so I skipped it, met up with some Freshman and Sophomores, we went outside, to the back parking lot at our school, and ate candy, smoked a pack of Cigs together and smoked some Pot. Yep that's right, smoked pot on school grounds. I'm such a rebel. LOL.

You have to understand, this is NOT normally like me, I'm usually a good girl, the smart one in class who does what she's asked all the time, and it's not my acting out period, I've had that phase already. So I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm much more violent lately, more aggressive and breaking alot more rules. I forged a teachers signature quite a few times as well.

I'm so fucking stressed right now, and I'm a bit depressed as well. I just don't need this shit. Sometimes I think of just throwing it all in, all away. I think well I've been at this for 19 years, and it's been a good run, why should I have to make it 20? 34? 52? Sometimes I just wanna quit life and take up life as a freakin hobo. Sorry all you tax payers. But maybe you should all decide to be hobo's too, that way you won't have to deal with it all either.

I really wanna talk to Mrs. Lynch, have been wanting to for the last two weeks, and even though she told me I could come to her any time, I've been loading my issues onto her for the past month, and I feel bad, like I'm a burden and have nothing positive to say. Not only that but I keep getting these issues and it's all coming at once and piling in and up; it's starting to sound unreal and I just don't want her to think that I'm making it all up. And I just haven't been able to bring myself to talk to her, I just can't seem to say the words.

Haven't been able to force out the magic words I always use.

"Mrs. Lynch can I talk to you?"

They're not coming anymore either.

Posted by melissailene on 2009-11-02 16:02:22 | Rating: