On my diet site www.sparkpeople.com, I just added a lot of goals.  I need to get back on track with my flute playing.  One of my goals is to begin writing stories again.  My first project is going to be heart wrenching.  I want to write about how I get lost in my pretend world and have lost the concept of reality vs. fantasy.  This is basically going to be a true story, but I won't let anyone know that.  If anyone asks, I will say it is an expansion of what I went through in the months after my mom's death...they don't need to know that it is about my current situation.  I get so lost thinking about Michael, Cody, and Preston that I lose the concept of the difference between dreaming about a guy and dating a guy.  I sound psycho, but that is the way that it is.  I suppose this is a coping mechanism for loneliness that I developed after my mom's death when I was alone other than my sister most of the time.  It's a bit of an addiction.  I will sit through class dreaming up entire scenarios between myself and one of these guys.  ONce you learn to exert that kind of control, it is hard to let go.