Thoughts.com Blogs - The Battle Of The Megan's

Last night, my actions really came back to bite me in the ass. I'm sorry for the language, but as of now, I feel that it's apropriate. After all the shit that I have put this poor girl through, cursing is the least of my worries.
Megan is John's latest girlfriend. And no not me Megan. Most John's friends now know me as Megan 1 and her as Megan 2 so that's how I'm going to explain us. Anyway, as most of you all may no (from reading my other blogs), I'm madly in love with that boy. But he apparently doesn't feel the same way about me.
Megan 2 and John are now having sex, and to her, and probably John, there relashonship is starting to get serious. The way John and I used to be (although we didn't have sex until we were dating for 4 months and they have been dating for 1 and a half, but she gave it up at 2 weeks). But all that is beside the point, maybe she knew that she loved him, I don't know, im not here to judge.
A few weeks ago, John and I were at the library together looking for books. Without thought, I kissed him and he kissed me back. It felt so right to be kissing him because thats what I had been longing to do for weeks. Ever since we had been apart all I had wanted was to be in his arms agian. Safe and loved. All the while I had forgoten that Megan 2 was in the mix of it all.
John of course, told Megan 2 about our library affairs and she forgave him with sobs and tears. I on the other hand, was angry. I felt like she was getting in the way of my happiness with John. That SHE was the reason for all of my broken heart.
Last night Megan 2 tried to overdose with three handfuls of pain killers. John called me in tears telling me the Megan 2 was going to kill herself. Right then it hit me, Megan 2 was not the one that was hurting me, I was hurting her. John was not mine anymore, therfor I had no right to be kissing him. I had to do something.
She wasn't answering the phone for John so i made him give me her number, and I called her non-stop. In the mean while , John had called the police telling them that there waws a suicide attempt and they went right over. Know one had been answering the phone for me and finally her angry mother answer. Che confirmed that Megan 2 was okay, and I could hear the police talking to Megan 2 in the background. I called John, and told him that she was okay and not to worry. I also told him that he had done the right thing by calling the police.
But now, here I sit with my filthy concious. I'M the reason that this poor girl tried to end her life, if I wouldn't have done things with HER boyfriend, maybe non of this would have ever happend. I did exactly what all of those horrible girls did to me. I am now one of the little whore's that make-out with other girls boyfriends. I just want to apologize to Megan for causing her such pain. I know exactly what she is going through because John did the same thing to me that he is doing to her. I just wish that things could have been different.