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| why I'm not getting married |
I have a vision. It sprang from one of a series of recent mini-epiphanies, if there even is such a thing. Perhaps "mini-epiphany" is an oxymoron but I think the commonly used term the "aha!" moment just doesn't cut it.
Once upon a time, I daydreamed about weddings and would write my first name with the last name of whatever poor soul I was infatuated with at that particular moment. I'll be honest, I was completely into the entire idea of marriage and cohabitating. Of course, this was also before I had EVER lived alone; meaning without roommates, boyfriends or family. I moved into a little place of my own about 5 years ago, my first experience with total solitude. Just me and my two cats, Owen and Samwise. I often used to wonder why the single men I knew would cling so tenaciously to their freedom and their solitude....now I get it.
I'm not immune to the need for companionship and I realize that we just don't grow alone the way that we do when we are with other people, whether that's family, friends or our intimate partners. I get it, I really do. I've been essentially solo for a few years now and I have to say that the commonly accepted concept of "dating" just makes me want to hide in a closet. I find the typical "date" to be about as much fun as a visit to the OB/GYN. So how do I generally meet men, you ask? Honestly, all of my real relationships sprang from situations where actual "dates" never happened. There was a casual friendship born initially of proximity through friends, work, hobbies and it just progressed into something else in its own time. Dating feels contrived to me, and then there's the expectation of physical reciprocity that bothers me. I'm not a prude, nor am I a shy gal, but I resent expectations. So I don't do the "dating" scene and despite urgings from many well meaning friends, I will never do the online dating thing...mixing two things I am naturally suspicious of only seems to me to increase my wariness to them exponentially.
Over the past few years my vision of what I want to create in my life in terms of relationships and children has shifted quite a bit, and the picture seems to be a somewhat unique one. I'll do my best to describe it but to a point I think putting words to a vision is a limited prospect at best.
I want a monogamous relationship with someone and I want to have a child or children with that someone, but I don't want to be married. That's not so unusual. My mom and my "stepdad" have been together almost 30 years and they aren't married. I've heard some people call that the "Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins" arrangement but I think my folks did it first. :)
I'm taking it a step further. I don't want to cohabitate full time either. I mean, with my child, yes. But in the scenario I think would be the healthiest for me and the most positive, I see myself and my partner each having our own place in reasonably close proximity and sharing them while also maintaining a sense of space.
I discussed this with a friend of mine this past weekend and she agreed wholeheartedly, so apparently I am not alone in both desiring the connection of a monogamous partner and needing more space than one house can afford. Our auras, just in the first layer, extend about 9 feet out in all directions. So even in a good sized home your auras are bumping into one another all the time. Energetically I just feel strongly that I need my own zone. And I feel just as strongly that my partner will benefit every bit as much from that sense of space and autonomy as well.
My friend tossed out an idea of how she sees that kind of situation happening in an ideal fashion; one large piece of property, two houses on the same estate, but enough room that you each have privacy. Sounds like Shangri-la to me!
And I have no desire to ever employ a nanny. In my family, I was taken care of by family, friends and the ocassional babysitter who is still a friend of the family. So if my life takes me around the world for my career, as I expect it will soon, my child is coming with me. I did it with my mom when I was little and what I remember of it was fabulous. Gypsy living is quite appealing in some ways, at least to me. Having that home to return to is the crucial part, the place to recharge and unwind. Being able to come home to my own personal space, relax and then spend time with my fella...I guarantee he'd have a happier, more loving "me" to be with and I suspect it would work both ways.
Granted, it's not for everyone. Some people just love to cohabitate and I understand that. Some people love marriage. That's beautiful too. But for me, and where I am right this moment on my journey, this is my right path and I'm honoring it.
Something tells me I won't have much trouble convincing any air sign or fire sign guys (my best matches anyway) to go with me on this plan! ;)
But whatever path is right for you, I honor that.
Namaste
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Posted by marathongal on 2008-06-11 20:41:48 | Rating: | Views: 290
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