October has long been my favorite month; mainly because of the gorgeous weather I enjoyed during this amazing time while growing up in Chicago, and somehow there was a sense of excitement in the air. I also usually enjoyed returning to school and seeing my friends again, buying new school supplies, decorating my locker, having all new classes and teachers, jumping into piles of gold or orange leaves, wearing jackets but not gloves or hats yet...it always seemed pretty magickal to me, long before I found that path.
As it happens, October is also the month during which my family lost two of the most important people in our little clan; my grandparents, Marion and Edward. They made their transition back into the formless quite a few years apart, with granny outliving grandpa...something we always assumed would happen the other way around because of her health issues and size, and because of grandpa's overall strength and natural athelticism. But he succumbed to ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) after a valiant battle and my grandma was left to finish out her life alone in her brick bungalow in Cicero. She and grandpa had lived there for ages, since long before I was born, and because I grew up with a single working mother they became like second parents.
I spent weekends, summers and holidays at my grandparents house. It was a wonderland to me. They had a dog, their house was quite big compared to the studio mom and I shared until I was about 10 (and we then upgraded to a 2 bedroom), they had a yard, it was usually a source of constant feasts, there was always sugar to be had and grandma was about the sweetest thing you'd ever see.
Granny was one of those people with such natural charm and warmth, she'd instantly elicit attention and devotion from anyone she met. When I was at her wake, in a complete haze at having lost my best friend, I was amazed at the number of people who came. It took only moments in her presence to feel as though you were family to her; that was just her way. She had a heart the size of the moon and a stellar sense of humor. She was a classic granny in some respects; she loved to cook and did it well (despite my grandfather's jokes and complaints), spoiled me rotten in the best possible ways, encouraged me as if I were the greatest writer ever born at a very young age, and was never at a loss for deserts. ;) Her sweet, smiling blue eyes and constant smile were so genuine, she'd sometimes laugh so hard she couldn't even see. Her devotion to family and friends was so strong, such a cornerstone in her life, I knew long before she left this world that she was the lynchpin holding the family together in many respects.
Sometimes I think she was part magickal being because of the enormous effect she had on everything from people to the environment in the room to her cooking. She once shared a special moment with me when we were in the car together. I was probably about 10 or so, and she was likely picking me up from home or taking me grocery shopping with her (where I got to pick out all of the unhealthy crap I couldn't have at home!) when she noticed a brilliant ray of sunlight bursting through the cloud cover. It was dramatic and beautiful, and she told me that whenever that happened, she believed it was her own mama watching over her and sending her love. She really meant it. She had that kind of spirit. And no one could make me feel magickally healed in an instant the way that she could. Her touch was so loving and gentle, I'll never forget it.
Once I was describing my grandmother's sweet character, fabulously contagious laugh and playful disposition that put everyone at ease when that person said, "hm, that sounds like you, doesn't it?" I was stunned. I think of myself as far more intense and even harsh than my granny could ever have been, but the idea that someone even imagined me to be like her made me feel extraordinarily happy. She was a sweet, deceptively bright Pisces, while I'm a fierce, fiesty Aries but hopefully I picked up at least one or two of her remarkable qualitites.
Now grandpa...there was a character. A classic Aquarian in many ways; inventive, hilarious, stubborn, a bit kooky in the best possible way. When he was a young lad he greatly resembled the actor Tyrone Power. He and granny were stunning in their youth; they both looked like movie stars. He was tall with dusky skin that tanned easily, his hair was dark and very thick, and he too had brown eyes and such a classic, charming Irish smile. With his darker features I think you'd call him "Black Irish" but he definitely had that melancholia of Ireland and an Angela's Ashes-esque childhood. He struggled with alcoholism his entire life, which meant that my granny and the rest of the family did as well, but he was always able to work hard and provide well for his three children, no matter what. His work ethic was incredible. As a young lad, he had dreams of attending the school that was, at the time, quite a big deal in the hopes of studying and learning more about drafting and design. It's a school that still exists in Chicago, called Lane Tech. But back then he was so poor, he couldn't afford the pencils and supplies you were required to bring in order to attend, so he never did get to go. In the end, I don't think grandpa even graduated from high school, though granny did (and I graduated from the same school as her), but it never stopped him.
He was silly, sarcastic, witty and damn funny; something I see my uncle Kevin carrying on quite nicely. At any family gathering, of which there were many, he'd have everyone in stitches. At the same time he was so clever and interested in so many things he could easily converse on any number of subjects. He could also cook, thanks to a turn in the Navy where by all accounts he spent most of his time cooking and playing baseball. I'm sure there was more to it than that, but those were the aspects he spoke of the most. He was a natural athlete; the kind of man who was so graceful he could excel at anything he set his mind to. He was a handball champ, a damn good baseball player, an avid cyclist for a long time and a golf fanatic. When we had a pool table and a ping pong table in the basement, no one could beat him, except perhaps for Kevin, who seems to have inherited his grace. I've never really tried sports myself, save for running, but I wonder if my yoga prowess might have something to do with the same quality.
One afternoon, when it was just the two of us in the house while granny was off somewhere, he dragged my lazy 9 year old butt into the kitchen to show me how to make perfect, crispy potato pancakes. In retrospect, it is quite a funny and sweet memory; he was so proud of his attention to detail and his little secrets. I see that a lot in Aquarians, but he loved to knock granny's cooking, although he wasn't exact skinny and I never saw his plate end up less than clean so you know that was more about being like "Ralph and Alice" or "Archie and Edith" than anything else.
My grandparents had quirks, idiosyncracies and faults like anyone else; I won't rhapsodize them into sainthood, although granny came damn close, but I do love to think on those qualities that made them extraordinary to my life.
I think it's interesting that they both left this physical world in the month of October, though years apart, which is the month where in the old religion we celebrate Samhaim, the closest thing to New Year's that Pagans get. The belief was that as the days grew shorter and the dominion of the sun was diminishing for the long, dark, cold of winter, the veil between this world and the Otherworld was at its thinnest; a perfect time for contacting spirits, performing divinations and paying respect for the bounty of the harvests collected. It was a time of celebration, preparation and gratitude. Bonfires glowed all night, people feasted and celebrated together and for some the presence of the spirit world was so strong they used things for protection like sprigs of holly or rowan, or crafted scary looking (carved) gourds to frighten off any unwanted spirits...hence, jack o'lanterns.
Perhaps it is a coincidence that they both moved on during this sacred and powerful month. Perhaps not. Whatever the case, I find it actually makes the month more intense and powerful. While I of course mourn their loss, in some ways I feel them more than when they were physically here. It was during October a few years ago when I had a vivid dream wherein I called granny's phone number (which I still remember and always will) and she actually answered from the other side! Just hearing her voice sent waves of emotion through me and when I awoke, I felt it all day. I knew it wasn't "just" a dream. And in that way, I know their energies and love are always a part of me, and now it's in a way that wasn't possible when they were bound to the physical.
And while they drove each other nuts, argued all the time, and struggled with heavy issues, they were and remain the heart and soul of my family, and I feel their strongest contributions were sheer love, devotion and humor.
In this month, I feel the golden memories of the years I was fortunate enough to share with them are incredibly close; I can smell them, taste them and even touch them. I shall spend this month celebrating their lives and really remembering who they were as people...and how they changed my life.
Blessed Be
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