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I am going to be a father in a few months. That is the only thing keeping me alive. I hate this world and I feel so guilty for bringing my child into it. If I wasn't so selfish as to want the love of a child to make me an important person and to fit the expectations...Honestly I will kick ass as a parent, I'm a teacher of "gifted", smart children, I give to a fault but do not accept enabling relationships. I know exactly how to raise a child to be successful in our culture. I think I can teach my average child to great success. The problem...I hate our world culture. It is a perversion of the relational embodied reality that we should live. I know I have to stay alive for my soon to be child but it is so hard.
I think if I started tonight, considering all of the Easter dinner crap I have eaten today (plenty of protein and carbs) I could walk/run from here (the very middle, heartland) to Big Sur in about a week or ten days. I want to walk and walk and lay down in the Sur hungry, thirsty, tired and just reenter the cycle. I want to return alone and silently into the soil, the fungi, the scavengers’ belly’s...That isn't really so bad is it...It's really very peaceful I think. I don't want anyone to notice I've gone. I just want to be gone.
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Posted by marathon on 2008-03-24 01:24:50 | Rating: | Views: 58
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