So I'll just come out and say it...Im having a love affair with a guy 4 years younger than me. The strange thing is I was always faithful to my man up until my birthday a month before I got married I met my lover at a club. He gave me a birthday kiss and he came over to see me that night. I asked my fiance if he wanted to marry me we couldnt have sex until the wedding. We did this for six months. The guy we will call him  Loun is very handsome and charming. I didnt expect anything to happen but it did. It was so tempting not to but I felt so bad afterwards. The next couple of weeks we still saw eachother even though I was still getting married. Im not sure what happened but the wedding was a total disaster I had no idea my in laws would ever treat me this way but thats a whole other story...the thing is Ive been married for about four months now and Im still seeing my lover. Things are getting serious he wants to make me his but I will never choose. He gets so jealous when I flirt with other guys at the club but he never questions me about my husband. Isnt that weird? I know in the back of his mind he could never ask me because he can never offer me what my husband can. My husband is a great guy dont get me wrong hes honest, hardworking, not bad looking and he was there for me when I was sick. I feel bad sometimes because of what Im doing but I cant help it. Loun is young he doesnt have a job no future and still living wit his mama! Haha I can keep it real hey might as well be honest right? But its the thrill he gives me. he plays mind games with me an I play right back. I guess he keeps me entertained and interested. The sex is amazing I mean its mindblowing. Ive had lovers but none that last that long! He has passion and hes very intense. Another thing is how he talks to me. I mean some of the things he says really gets to me its like he wants to know more about me and he can talk on and on about his feelings I mean worse than a girl. I dont know what it is but I mean either hes very good at telling girls what they wana hear or hes just being honest. I live in another  city so I travel to see him on a weekly basis. We see eachother after the club and it gets tiring sometimes to be pulling these all nighters. I want it to change. sometimes I dont hear from him and it bothers me. Ive learned to give him his space and it works now he calls me when hes ready. I dont like how he always goes out to the club and theres this girl who he says is a friend but I feel different about it. Only because one night he tried to make me jealous by dancing with her in front of me and they text back and forth about hooking up. just two weeks ago he met up with her to say hes seeing someone now. At least thats what he tells me but im not sure about that one. The thing is why do I get jealous of it when Im a married woman? I mean hes putting up with alot by being with me and my situation so I should let him be with other girls. But then I say he did meet me this way and he knew what he was getting into. I know what you must think of me how can I do this to my husband..I use to think down on cheaters but now I am one. Its kind of funny when your in someone else's shoes only then can you really understand. Call me selfish maybe I do want it all. I think in the end everything happens for a reason....my relationship was fine until he walked into my life..is he here for a reason? I didnt go looking for him and I went with the flow. I have enough strength to let him go but then I will live with regret the rest of my life of what could have been. Another part tells me to let him live his life hes still young and has alot of growing up to do. Hes afraid of things getting serious too..in the end I know someone will end up getting hurt but we wont let each other go. For now things are good my husband doesnt suspect anything as long as I live in a different city its fine. I miss the love I had with him the intimacy..people ask dont you think you should work on your marriage? How selfish of me to never think about him. Hes too good of a man. And to think Ive been in this situation before. I was with a good man for four years and I left him for a woman. I kno I kno!  Seriously the worst mistake ever. I went through pure hell because I worked she didnt I had to put up with her gambling problem she treated me bad and eventually turned psycho on my ass tried to kill me once. It took me a year to get over her I was tired of being alone and one day I prayed for someone to come in to my life to treat me good and that was my husband. Now look at me doing the same damn thing. Im so stubborn I need to learn my lesson. Hes too good to leave I know I would never leave


 Im not sure whats gonna happen next but Ill keep u posted..