lyttoaznpinkie

hm..how can i...?

2008-01-07T02:29:11-05:00

um..okie..dis is gonna sound funkie n dirty..but i jus hab 2 ask...okay...how do i tell my boyfriend i want sum hardcore..crazy...rough...sex..?like i want da sex to have sum uh..pain..like..tie me up or sumthing crazy like dat..and a bit o' pain (i realize i have a high pain threshold)..?cuz it like scares my boyfriend i think...one time wen we did have uh...rough sex..(he's a really nice and decent guy)..i think it scared him b/c he doesnt wanna hurt me..even tho da pain does turn me on...so uh..how do i tell mah man i want sum rough sex..and being sweet about it..?><..lol..

whoohoo!!

2008-01-07T01:57:35-05:00

yay!!!skool starts again 2mrrow!!..finally sumthing 2 make me happy..whahahaha!!hope i do better in winter semester than fall ><..ooh my bday is in 7 days!!whoohoo!!i'm gonna b 19..any suggestion on what 2 do??or what 2 get??cuz i have everything i wanted..a comp..radio..ipod..cell..nintendo ds..ps2..cleaning stuff 4 my room..uh..man theres nothing i really want...=[..hehehe..anyways..happy sunday ppl!!nights!!

emo/depressed moment

2008-01-01T02:59:03-05:00

hear i am...alone on new year's eve..how awful...10 more minutes til the new year..the 2008..i didnt wanna end 2007 with tears in my eyes..didnt wanna end it being mad..being hurt..what can i do?i scream in this silent..the silence of my room..no1 2 hear my cries..my agonizing pain..damn it it's been how many days since i've seen and heard from him??5 days??how can this be..?i feel so hurt..so alone..should've went partying with my friends..shouldnt have tried to be sweet and make a thoughtful "happy new year" "i love you" card..now i am in this darkness..new year is about to come in 5 mins..darkness my only companion..darkness so dark it's soo cold..holds on tight to my heart..even death knows my heart will soon break..my soul shattered..i tried so hard to play it strong..but i feel so weak..what am i to do??the nice shinny blade seem so comforting...tho..it's actually very dull..oooh how i'd love to feel the pain..as my world turns red..burning..chaos raging thru the night skies...as i slowly..finally count my breath...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

(WHAT A *BEEP*!!!)

geez i'm such a hypocrit

2007-12-31T02:03:16-05:00

Is it possible to have mixed feelings for your boyfriend..someone you've been with for about 5 years..someone you love?Is it natural to have the "wandering eyes"..?I love my boyfriend and everything but I feel so like guilty because he's the love of my life, he makes me feel soo great in each and every way..but I just have a problem whenever I don't see him or don't hear from him(due to working circumstances)..my eyes would start wandering around..is that normal?I'd notice a guy that's attractive, but that's about it..I just feel more guilty 'cause I'd be wondering if he's checking out other girls..and I'm like a hypocrite..I get mad and jealous whenever just the thought of him looking at, or being friends with another girl, yet, I look at other guys, and have um...male acquaintances...and I feel like..bad because I sort of want my boyfriend to feel the same jealousy I feel..

Just a thought....

2007-12-31T01:34:00-05:00

Just a thought..I was watching some kind of "save the animals" show..and I just saw how beautiful and precious each animal is..and I got to thinking..what would happen if instead of our wasted money going to war, what if atleast a fraction of that money goes to saving some endanger specie eh..??what about it?..or a fraction of the war's money to help cancer patients or people who needs medical attention. It's just outrageous to me how doctors would turn a patient away because of financial issues(no insurance or enough money).

am i depressed?

2007-12-30T02:13:33-05:00

okay..so i jus feel like "blah" and i dont know why..i started to thinking back thru all 18 years of my life...and i cant really find anything that i've accomplished..well okay except i'm drug free and graduated h.s. without getting pregnant and stuff..but it's like i went 4rm perky carefree happy me...to the now..sad boring me..i dont noe why..i kept trying..kept pretending to be happy..but just couldnt..i thought having my boyfriend would make me happy..but it's more like a band-aid..and i'm scared of aging..cuz i kept looking back to all those years and i realize we've been together for about 5 yrs??time jus went by so fast..i'm a lot more withdrawn than before too..i wish i can just tell my boyfriend how i feel, but i cant like unload all this crap on him..he's already busy and stressed out working and going to skool..i just don't feel happy anymore..it's like i only feel happy whenever i do see my boyfriend(occasionally).then after that, i don't hear from him..and so here i am feeling stuck..am i depressed??cuz i never felt like dis