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Today was another sigh. I stayed home sick with a scratchy throat and stuffy nose. Not the greatest way to spend your birthday. Okay, so it was yesterday, but still, it's a major bummer. But at least I got to skip soccer practice. I mean soccer is fun, but our coach just makes soccer horrible because she makes us run alot. Soccer has alot to do with endurance, yes, but sometimes I get the feeling I might have asthma. No, I'm not a fatty who drags around my waist (no affence to anyone!) but when I run a bit too much, I start to loose my breath.
Anyways, to celebrate my birthday, I'm having a birthday party this Saturday and of course, along with it comes drama. Some girls just need to get over the fact that they aren't invited. It's so pathetic. The reason I did not invite them is because they either 1. Cry over the silliest things. OR 2. Start unlimited amounts of drama. If I found out my best friend didn't invite me to her birthday party, would not give a care. Okay, so maybe I would want a reason, but I'm not going to cry and call your phone every 5 seconds. I used to really have a care over these sorts of matters; like making friends upset, or caring what people thought of me. But now, it has occured to me that doing just that, allows people to just walk all over me. It's my birthday, I am allowed to invite who I want. If your not invited, get over it. They just need to realize the only way they will ever gain my true friendship is if they show me they are willing to let situations like these slide.
Another thing that is on my mind: Boys. I know right now, I sound like a typical teenager dealing with a typical life, but in reality, I am much much different. This boy has been.... shall I say something? to me for over a year, but I can never gain his heart. I told him a while back, maybe January it was? that I had feelings for him. He was good about it; very comforting and understanding. But that next weekend, one of my best friends told me she heard that he liked another girl. I have to admit, I was on the verge of tears and I am not one to just cry over anything. But it really hurt. And recently that best friend told me that someone told her he liked her. This was probably more of a downer than the last time she told me. Don't get me wrong, it was not her fault and she even said sorry. But I have somehow convinced everyone I am over him. I have tried and I'm still trying not to like him, but somehow he's always waiting inside my heart. And hearing those words... that he liked my best friend really made my day. He is definately the ladies man, meaning he's got about 15 girls dragging behind him like a puppy dog. I really don't want him to think of me as one of those puppies, but I can't help liking him. Sometimes I wish I could just confess how I honestly feel to him, and maybe that would allow me to let go easier. Life has been rough for me these past few weeks and it seems it has become so much easier to just cry. I always have to contain myself at school; I won't let anyone see me cry except maybe my other best childhood friend. But theres always that endurance in me that tells me to deal with it and live on; just do what your told and keep on walking no matter the situation. I'm hoping this summer will bring me more luck and ease than this past winter has. I can always remind myself, that one day I will find the perfect boy for me. He will accept me the way I am; flaws and all. And maybe the boy from school who I've always liked, just isn't that boy.
Always,
Lynn Leanne
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Posted by lynnleanne on 2008-05-14 18:43:37 | Rating: | Views: 69
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