Thoughts.com Blogs - Stop Dreaming...

View Blog

Stop Dreaming...

The power of your subconscious is amazing and terrifying. To imagine something so real to life that is becomes a dream, or a nightmare. So where is the magic switch that lets me sleep in peace!?
The night before last I had a dream, a nightmare more like. I woke up mad.. Like fist clenching mad. I dreamt Boss came home in her car. Her being HisPosion. I've been going rounds with this BITCH for over a year now. She's psycho, and a habitual liar. She frustrates me to the point of where my hands are rattling in anger and I can't think cause I just want to scream! We used to get along, we never really were friends but we knew each other through people so we'd be in the same crowd at times. She's the ex. Did I mention she lies for fun?? This girl has faked being in the hospital for two weeks from a car accident, just to grab back some attention and sympathy. She lies about everything from the sky is neon green to the time of day it is. She lies for pointless reasons and she's a fuck problem! I'm so over it. So Psycho decided to blow my phone up yesterday. Calling back to back because I wouldn't answer. I was not going to dignify her by coming down to her high school level to play these games. So she left me voicemails and text messages, telling me how Boss has a hicky from her and how he's been fucking her and he was there all day yesterday. And at first I really let her start getting to me. My mind started to feed into this BULLSHIT she was spoon feeding me and I started having arguments with him. I even checked his neck!!!! Are you serious? I've never in my life been so... so... so crazy? I don't even know what to call that! It was just a combination of the dream with her playing on my insecurities and me just having a bad month. I apologized I felt like a real jerk afterwards. She was still calling, mind you this is about an hour later and she's bouncing between his phone and mine. So I started answering and hanging up before she could say anything. I figured if calling my phone did nothing but waste her time she'd give up. And she did! I feel like I'm dealing with a little kid. I wish she would just go away but she's got this fatal attraction, It's just a lot creepy.
So last night I dreamt about HD. I was walking down the street and I saw this blue Camero with huge rims coming towards me. I've never seen this car before in my dream or reality, but I knew instantly that is was him. I felt it in my heart through my dream. I swallowed hard as he pulled across an empty lane to park in the wrong direction right in front of me. He started to explain, "Now you know I never meant..." But then I could tell by the look on his face that he knew he's said this to me 100 times and 100 times I haven't believed him. So he just stopped and looked at me and said, "I miss you." My eyes fell the side walk but quickly I looked back up and I told him, "No you don't, my phone hasn't rang, you don't miss me." He just shook his head and drove off. Now here I am sad this morning. I tried to call that number back again yesterday and it wasn't his number. I cried. I don't know why it's not like I would have known what to say. I don't really think I want to talk to him. I think I just want to make him think of me and remember me. I want him to feel tortured like me.
These dreams have such an emotional effect on me. They seem more like distorted memories compared to fictional dreams. The feelings are real, the hostilities and the anger, the frustrations and the tears I wake up in. I think my mind is telling me that I have some issues I need to deal with.