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8:47pm--
I am at a place. Its not necessarily a crossroads. Maybe it is. It sounds so cliché though. My Love has presented me with an issue. He is attempting to make peace with his ex. The one he broke up with to be with me. She is heavily heartbroken. I know the feeling, and i feel for her. I have no hard feelings toward her..... that has changed. My Love went to her home to speak with her and try to bring things to a level where there were no hard feelings between them. The more experienced people know that only time can do this. But he tried. I don’t really know what was talked about... but as My Love was explaining this, i knew there was something he was keeping something. Then he told me that as he was leaving, she approached him, and kissed him..... I almost broke the phone, i was clutching it so tightly. ( its not that i am strong... my phone is just a piece of shit). Then i asked him if he kissed her back. There was a long pause, and a few deep breaths. Then he said yes, for a moment. then he pushed her away and just got back into his truck and drove away..... what am i suppose to do with this? How am i supposed to react? Who should i be angry at? Her? she kissed him!!!! She knowingly kissed a man that is currently not available. On the other hand, i know that heartache can make you do stupid things... and maybe she was hoping for some kind of romantic kiss to reignite their feeling for each other... and what about him? He allowed himself to be placed in a situation where a heartbroken ex could have access to him. Just showing up is giving her false hope. AND HE KISSED BACK!!! even if it was for a moment... it still happened.. He still let it happen.... on the other hand.. ( i am feeling very Fiddler on the Roof right now..... a joke for the culture)...on the other hand ( which is the same hand for those paying attention) he did tell me... he didn't lie about it, by my knowledge. He didn't have to tell me... He also did push her away and immediately leave.... Should I consider leaving him? I have a constant fear that he going to do something stupid again.... The man has a huge heart. that is his blessing and curse. He feels guilt and remorse... I can see that he would want to be kind to someone he hurt to clear his conscience.... and i know that his ability to lie is pathetic. I am grateful for that. His voice and his eyes are a dead give away... i am just afraid that he is always going to want to comfort others, especially women.... I fear that in the end, he is going to end up hurting himself, putting himself in similar situations like this last one.... and ultimately, making it unbearable for me to love him... even now.... it is hard to be with him... I am happy when i am with him... It is painful when i start thinking about the future...I don’t know if i want to stick around to see him stumble again and take me with him. ... on the other hand, my love for him binds me to him... I wish i had the certainty that i used to have.... The strength in my faith that this relationship will stand the test of time...he claims to love me.... i want to believe him.... But i don’t want to be his doormat.... I need some guidance... and if anyone suggests turning to religion... go to hell...
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Posted by lusochick on 2008-06-29 00:24:06 | Rating: | Views: 63
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I have to give him points for being honest when he could easily have lied. But still you should tell him to do what he needs to do to be happy, but also explain that he can't have it both ways. I wish you luck.
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-06-30 00:03:06
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I think you can take great comfort in the fact that he was honest with you. It would have been so easy for him to say "NO WAY!!!" and you'd never have known he was lying.
If someone surprises you with a kiss, sometimes the instinctive reaction is to kiss them back - your physical reaction gets there first, before your brain starts working.
Now, you need to move this forward. If he doesn't already know how you feel, then you need to tell him. He needs to know that he has damaged your trust, and that he needs to regain that. And first and foremost, that means not putting himself in the position where his ex (or any other woman) is going to kiss him.
He might just need to accept that him and this woman can never be friends, if he is going to keep your love and your trust.
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Posted by ISBWD
on 2008-07-02 13:12:49
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