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7:25 pm--
This morning, i woke up in a relatively good mood. I text a long message to my boyfriend, and got one in return. They day was normal. Then i saw my arch nemesis.... my full-body mirror. I hate that thing. I looked at myself in it, finding all of my pudgy parts, my little love handles, the spare tire on my stomach. Looking at those things, which aren't really that large, i began to hate and loathe myself. at the current moment, I am 5'3- 5'4, and i am 135lbs. I am in between a size 6 and a size 8 in pant size. I am an average, healthy woman. I ( for the most part) am logical and reasonable. I guess this was a moment of minor insanity. This self- loathing slowly became bitterness towards those around me. Eventually, it turned to tears. I generally have a hold on my emotions. I think this sudden outburst has to do with some of my insecurites, and how i let them control me at times. Last night, i decided to ask that question, that no man ever wants to hear from a woman. I asked him what he thought about my weight. Since we are very strong on honesty, he actually told me what he thought. ( any men reading this might be shaking their heads right now). He told me that he never really liked very thin girls, that he likes something he can hold onto. Then he said that my size or less is good for him... I thought about it for a while. The i realized that he basically told me that i was as fat as he would like me. It was honestly one of the nicest ways anyone ever told me to lose weight, and i was fine with it. I hadn't hit the gym in 2 months, and i have been eating more ever since i started dating him. I never ate out before we started dating, now i eat out every week.
The fault is mine this whole emotional explosion. I never should have asked him about my weight, and i should have stayed away from the mirror. I should have kept my emotions and insecurities in check. But i do think society is obsessed with physical appeal. I hope that inner beatuy makes a come back, a long with common sense.
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Posted by lusochick on 2007-12-16 21:05:59 | Rating: | Views: 57
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