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4:00pm--
This is would be a letter to My Love... whether or not i send it is another matter..
Dearest Love,
if i may call you that still.. Perhaps i can but i do not know whether or not i am yours. For I doubt your love for me still exists...this past month we have gone through a roller coaster of emotions... you needed space, i gave you space the the choice not to come back... then you came back, and i thought it was over... I thought that you made your choice and that choice was me... then your conscious demanded that you get back in touch with your ex and make peace, which resulted in a kiss, which you wanted. I forgave you for that, for putting yourself in that position... But it still doesn't feel right.... you are becoming distant again... actually.. i dont think you ever came close to me again... regardless, there is such a large space between us... on the phone, you sound so obligated.. you sound like you would rather be drinking bleach... the conversation is gone.. we used to laugh on the phone... we used to speak in code... we used to have fun.... now, it feels like obligation.... you dont love me anymore... I feel it, and it kills me... the only time i even feel the smallest twinge of love is when i am with you... the very small amount of time... Am i supposed to base all of my trust in this relatioship on those very small moments? Is that one little fragment of light meant to give me hope through all the darkness? I dont have the stregnth, my love... I am falling in darkness. I have been falling for over a month now.. I dont know how long i will be falling for. When i call out in order to see if you are there, you dont respond.. How am i suppose to trust that you will be there to catch me? Of that you will be there at all? Haven't i done everything for you? Haven't I been perfect for you? Your family and friends like me, alot... I cook, clean, bake, give awesome back massages, good in the bedroom... what more do you want from me? What more could i do? What more do i have to do to get you to love me? I dont know what to do anymore.... When we met, you told me i was bitter and that you wanted to take that away from me. ... and now? what have you done for me? I was stronger with my bitterness.. I had something to hold onto.. I surrendered my emotions to you, and now you have left me with nothing... Just darkness, time, and falling...
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Posted by lusochick on 2008-07-07 19:33:05 | Rating: | Views: 42
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