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10:34--
Hello again. Tonight, i went on a date with my boyfriend, I will refer to him as "My Love". It started well. He took me to a restaurant that i really want to go to. We ate delicious food. He spent the evening admiring me with those curious brown eyes of his. It was wonderful. At the end of the meal, when he had gotten his change from the waitress, and in a joking manner, tossed the change at me, saying " thats for last night". I knew that he meant it in the most sarcastic way possible, and this feeling of disgust has nothing to do with him, aside from that playful gesture. Earlier today, I was waiting in line at Costco, and two men were behind me, in another line. They assumed that i spoke no spanish, so they were free with their words. They desribed my rear, my hips, chest, hair, legs. Anything that they could think of. Then one of them said something vulger, explaining to his friend how he would enjoy my company. The entire ordeal lasted 2-4 minutes, but it made me feel filthy for over an hour. I was completely over it until Lester had made that gesture and it sickened me to kiss him, because all i could hear was those men, talking about me. I didn't want to tell My Love about it, because i knew that it would make him angry, and it would have ruined the whole night. He could see that something was wrong though. He apologized for the gesture, even though he didn't have to. I know he is driving home right now, wondering if anything else he did could have upset me. He is wonderful, and the fact that he cares so much about me is unbelievable. He knows of my past, and i will share it with you. I am a rape victim. Not of one single incident, but of several, over the span of 4 years. (ages 9-13). There were many attackers, but i cannot remember many of them, because the mind tries to erase those memories. Not many people know of this. I never told my parents because it happened right under their noses, and they failed to see it for 4 years, and I cannot bare to tell them that they failed to protect me. It would break their hearts, so i keep it from them. Because of my past, I have different views on myself, the human body, sex, love, and marriage. I have overcome most of the ordeal. It still arises from time to time, generally from a trigger. I just wish it hadn't come up tonight, not in front of him. I hope tomorrow will be a better day, for everyone.
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Posted by lusochick on 2007-12-15 00:06:21 | Rating: | Views: 113
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