| View Blog
|
|
|
1...2...3....4...5...6...7...I'm up...I'm up. *dusting myself off* Sometimes, people need a little push and need to realize what they should be focusing on. I've always had the ability to flip something bad into something good. This is where I'm at now. I might get knocked down, but I never stay down for long. I pick myself up and everyone else who has fallen around me. The feelings...god, the feelings. Isn't it amazing how you can sense something is wrong and feel it so strong in your gut? Always trust yourself. That is the one thing that I do right. I trust my gut.
Why I'm hurt and bothered: He smokes weed with other girls at work. He is fucking up because he shouldn't be smoking at work in the first place. He is supposed to be there for him, no one else. You can't get comfortable like that in this business, because someone else who doesn't smoke will blow right by you and leave you in the dust. And why would you want people to see that. It doesn't matter what everyone else does, it's not about them. It pisses me off so much that he is so smart and has the potential to make it so far, but he just gets sucked into the wrong things. Other birdies telling him lies in his ears. And then he starts to believe them. But I'm tough on him because I know where he can be if he just stopped worrying about everyone else and focused on himself at work. I'm not asking him to focus on us, I want him to focus on his work when he's working. This man can make it beyond anyone else around him at work. I believe in him that much, that I think he's got it more than anyone else in that place. I know it.
I told him to quit his job and pursue this. Because I have always known how talented he is and fucking smart he is...I wish I was that smart. He is so good at what he does. I want him to have his dream, no matter what happens between us...I wish him well. I don't wish anything ill on him. I know that he can be on top and be so successful and have everything he always wanted. But don't leave me or your son hanging around. I'm the one who cares and wants to see him flying and shining like the fucking star he is...no one else. But they think I'm a bitch for that. Fine, if being a bitch consists of wanting him to focus at work and also spend time with his family, then I'll take the title. Because I don't give a fuck about anyone else. I don't kiss anyone's ass and this bothers people. I know he can go beyond them and that's what they don't want him to know, so people try to drag shit down. He needs to step up to the plate at home and needs to refocus his energies at work where he can pass everyone around him and not care who hates him. He shouldn't be kissing and hugging his co workers. This really pisses me off because there is a line with co workers that I feel shouldn't be crossed. And it has been crossed. You can call me jealous or crazy, I don't care...it makes me very uncomfortable. Flip the tables...if that was me...he would be giving me hell. Everything that I have wrote down I have said to him. He turns around and says to me, "Your right." I know I'm right. You have to want this for yourself and for the people you care about. If you don't care about us, then do what you have to do, but I need to know.
And here's the fucking killer...my son doesn't think he loves him. This really really really kills me. This is his top priority I told him. He can have everything if he wants it. He said to me how he grew up thinking his father never loved him and how he's going down the same path...and it took you this long to realize? Come on, he's 30 and I'm gonna be 29...it's time for us to be where we could be...I'm willing to do my part and more if he is willing to do his. That's all I ask. |
|
Posted by LuckyLuci on 2008-07-22 00:26:05 | Rating: | Views: 95
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
good girl get that dust off! and be the bitch if thats what they say, fuck 'em if they dont get that you just want your family strong and safe. keep us posted doll.
|
|
Posted by tonyrayhutchison
on 2008-07-22 00:32:13
|
|
|
|
God Luci, you sound like me ... three years ago. What does it take to get them to realise they can have more than the average joe schmoe? Mind you "He" took it a bit further.
Great post, Sadly I could really relate.
You are fucking great Luci, don't ever think you are not.
|
|
Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-22 00:32:59
|
|
|
|
Tony, thanks :) and I will keep you posted. You have no idea how much your comments mean to me. It confirms that I'm not crazy and what I'm feeling is real, and the only that can stop it, is him.
Easy, that's why I have always read your posts so closely...I might not comment all the time, because it's been hitting close to home. I am not going down without a fight...a big one. This is MY home. This is MY life. and you are correct, I am fucking great. and so are you! :)
|
|
Posted by LuckyLuci
on 2008-07-22 00:43:55
|
|
|
|
Keep tough.... he will be accepting an award some time in the future and with tears in his eyes he will look to you and you will be the first person he has to thank. And at that point you will know it was all worth it.
stay strong and keep the faith.
|
|
Posted by DouglasMB
on 2008-07-22 14:49:56
|
|
|
|
It is sad that it takes some people a long time to mature.I hope he values his family enough not to fail you.
Good Luck
|
|
Posted by circe
on 2008-07-23 12:21:33
|
|
|
|
|
Your man is very lucky to have you in his life. Keep speaking truth to him. Your motives and words are pure, coming from a heart that wants the best for him and believes that he can be successful in life. Hopefully he will listen and straighten himself out. Best of luck to you. Peace.
|
|
Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-23 21:44:44
|
|
|
|
Sounds like he wants to be the "nice guy", keeping everyone happy except whats most important himself and his family.
Sometimes we have to give those we love a swift kick in the ass. Get to kicking girl. A few stiletto holes in his backside will keep the reminder to fly straight.
The kissing and hugging thing even makes me uncomfortable. I suppose its because Im not a kissy huggy coworker.
Makes me sad what your son said. Looking back I can remember feeling that way. In my case I grew up with tension between my folks. I grew up believing it was my fault. I do hope for your sons sake that Big M takes this as a wakeup call. Nothing bad against big M. It's easy to become complacent, I too suffer from that from time to time.
Take care of you kiddo :)
|
|
Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-07-24 07:14:04
|
|
|
|
Thanks Doug :) you know, I feel the same way...that's how far I think he will make it. :)
circe, i'm sure it has to do with maturity on some levels, but if you take any one at any age and put them in a certain enviornment...it's like a kid in a candy store. I want him to know and understand that he can have that and his family as well. But I want to make sure that we are secure for the future. He gets it now. :)
Pita, exactly...everyone needs a good swift kick in the ass from time to time...it's humbling. and we all need to be humble.
He had a long talk with Lil Mike...it was really cute and he really stepped up...sometimes, you just need that extra little push. :)
|
|
Posted by LuckyLuci
on 2008-07-25 19:39:40
|
|
|
|
|
Thanks Colorado...your comment meant a lot to me. :)
|
|
Posted by LuckyLuci
on 2008-07-25 19:56:11
|
|
|
|
|
|
