Ever wonder just what the deal was with the Smurfs? Yeah well so did I until recently. I think I’ve got it all figured out. Take for example why are they blue? Well I have a theory as to that. You see when a smurf is first born they are normal tiny people. But as they grow and learn that their world is populated by a bunch of shirtless fruity freaks then they turn blue from lack of oxygen. Why lack of oxygen? Well because they use it all swearing so much at what they just learned, and to let you know that’s also why they have those horns. They banged their heads against the wall so many times it got distorted and they gave themselves brain damage which would explain WHY they are so weird. I also know why they are fruity. It’s because they’re gay. No think about it: they live in a secluded village that is only populated by a bunch of men and only 1 girl, and we all know Smurfette isn’t going to put out. She’s blonde but not that hot, and she’s only one girl she can’t possibly get that much smurf ass. But even still I think that one of them did knock her up because around the middle of the season they disappeared only to return exactly nine months later, with 3 new kids and a grandpa. WHERE THE HELL DID THOSE KIDS COME FROM?! She had to have got laid and my guess is it was happy. But what about the grandpa? My guess is that the deadbeat dad of the 3 was too lazy to pay child support so she had to get her father to come live with her so she didn’t get screwed over. Those smurfs are fucked up huh. And what was with that crazy old guy who kept trying to eat them. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO EAT A BUNCH OF BLUE MIDGETS?! Just because they act fruity does not mean that they are blueberries. They make look like it but they’re not. I don’t understand why he couldn’t catch them though. It’s just a bunch of little freaks in mushrooms.  Why not just start a fire in the middle of the village and let them die. Problem solved then, they’d be dead and cooked and you would be happy.  And don’t forget to kill that slut Smurfette too.