So I often find myself wondering about trust. What exactly determines whether or not we can trust someone? What makes that little something in our brains go oh ok I can trust this person now. Because trust is something that supposedly builds up over time, so my question is what exactly is it that makes that trust build up? Is there some specific action that we all consider trustworthy? Is there a specific phrase or word that makes us trust someone? I wonder because I'm a firm believer that trust is one of the main bases for a relationship. If you dont trust someone and or they dont trust you, why would you stay together? All that you're going to do is make yourself and or the other person miserable.
We've all heard of the situation where the girlfriend or boyfriend acts a little bit crazy because they worry that their significant other is cheating on them. They start to question every little thing that their significant other does. They ask after every phone call "who was that?". Sometimes some people even go as far as following their significant other around to see where they are going and if it really is where they said they were going. But what has made that person get to that point where the trust has completely been broken? Has the other in the relationship done something to deserve being questioned about everything or has the other person just never really had trust in that person?
Trust can be a funny thing that way. One minute you think that you trust someone completely and then one little thing can change your opinion. Or even, you discover just from stupid little things that you dont trust that person as much as you once thought that you did. But what is it that makes us want to trust someone? For me trust is something that doesnt come easily, and even though you may have never done anything to betray me or hurt me, I only ever trust someone about 75%. I'm a firm believer that we can never trust someone completely because we never truly know anyone. We may think that we know someone inside and out but in reality we never do. We can never predict every move that someone will make, every word that will come out of their mouth. So why is it that we feel so shocked when someone we supposedly know does something "out of the ordinary" for them?
I think that we as humans feel the need to trust because if we didnt, we would never feel truly intimate with someone. If we can not trust someone then we can never vent to someone, or allow them to see the real us. If we never trust anyone, we would bottle up everything and keep it all inside, we would never feel close to anyone. Take for example parents. When a baby is born that child depends 100% on their parents to keep that child alive. The child can not feed itself, bathe itself, or protect itself. That child depends on and trusts its parents to provide the child with those essentials to life. I believe that this is why usually we have a very strong bond with our parents. And as we get older we trust our parents, we turn to them in times of need. We feel comfortable with our parents because they built up the trust that is necessary to feel intimate with someone.
So what happens when there is no trust? There is no base for a relationship without the trust because we would constanty be wondering about that person. There would be no intimacy to the relationship because we wouldnt trust the other person to see us naked, or to know our most revealing flaws. We wouldnt be able to have the same intimacy because we would constantly live in fear of being hurt by that person. Take the example of the child with its parents. That child has depended and trusted its parents for years. So what would happend if suddenly we take the parents out of the equation, which actually happens a lot. That person would feel abandoned by the very people that it depended on and trusted the most. This would lead to fear of abandonment and an inability to trust people. That child would forever suffer from the inability to ever really trust someone.
So after rambling on so much I ask.. what is it that makes us trust someone? Is it someones dependability? Is it the intimate moments that we share with someone? Or is it the simple fact that without trust we would be lonely, miserable, and loveless? Its something to think about.
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