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Emancipation

      Should I be sad that I'm writing an informal declaration of emancipation for my mum Charlotte to sign? I know I'm not an angel, but my Mum Hilly needs to realize that I'm not the only one who yells and gets hurt in this household. The world does not revolve around either one of us, and I'm getting tired of catering to her needs when she can't even take care of herself for her -children-.

       It's either Eire or Texas, and it's starting to look more and more like Eire. I know, a little extreme, isn't it? Moving to Ireland to escape my mother, who you all probably think is just getting a hard time from me because I'm a rebellious teen. Far from. I've been abused, almost contiguously, in one form or another, by people in my family/close family friends since I was 5 years old. Telling me that she thinks I made up being sexually abused for almost 10 years by my grandfather so I could "get attention" at the age of 13 is REALLY loving. Telling me it was -my- fault that I was taken advantage of by an 18-year-old boy at that age, when I was literally brainwashed into a disillusioned state of depression and self-scorn, is a wholly appropriate thing for her to do.

         I even told my mum Charlotte that if I didn't have to worry about her explonding, I'd come out of my room more. They bitch and moan and cry about how I "don't act like a member of the family", well can you blame me? Everytime something bad happens, when I make the littlest slip up, she's always waiting to throw all the bad things in my face again. She holds things that I did in my past over my head, resorting back to them whenever she needs a reason to not trust me. I have grown, even if it's not blatantly apparent, and I am very proud of that. It's just hard to do the things I've learned to do with conflict when they only make things worse.

        I'm always told to walk away from her when she screams, but if I do, I make things worse. If I stay, I get angrier and angrier until I reach the point where I can't take it anymore. I'm going to take that bloody cane of hers and bludgeon her with it one of these days >.