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Past

Past:
When I was born my father was off getting drunk.
My aunt had to take my mom to the hospital to deliver me.
I used to be beaten by both parents. I would get whipped, I would get smacked, I would get things thrown at me, and I would get verbally abused.
My father would sometimes not come home for days and my mother would almost file a missing person report. My father was taken to jail twice from what I remember.
He was getting violent towards my mom one day when he was very drunk. My mom had to call the police to keep all of us safe. I saw him being taken from the house.
My two child eyes saw what some people dont ever see.
My father tried to kill my mother twice.
And my Mother would always run away with my brother and I.
We used to stay my Aunt's house. My favorite cereal back then was Cheerios.
One time when my Father came home drunk he tried to kill my mom in front of me.
I saw him beat her merciless and try to flip the large couch onto her and throw her and drag her.
I would hide behind my glass bedroom door and stare in horror with tearful eyes. My mom crawled into my room crying and I hugged her. But my father soon came inside and dragged me towards him. I didnt want to go with him. I began hollering and crying. I managed to get away from his grip on my pajama shirt and ran to my mom and hugged her and cried with her. My father left the room and passed out somewhere in the house.
One time glass fell on his head and he came home crying and drunk.
We had to pick the glass from his head while he sobbed. I remember wanting to help him. But I was hurting him and helping him at the same time by pulling out the glass.
I lost my virginity at the innocent age of 4.
My babysitter's son raped me. I was 4 he was 19.
I had no idea what he did until years later when I found out what sex and rape was.
My brother used to torture me when I was 6-9 years old. He would smack me around, punch, kick, slap you name it.....Even rape.
I still didnt know what they had done to me.
So far in my life I have been raped twice and 2 people attempted to rape me twice.
I remember my first crush it was on the white power ranger.
When my sister was born life got a little easier. My parents had bought a new house. Father didnt get drunk as much. But it was in that new house I realized that I wasnt normal. My life wasnt like my best friend's life, hannah at the time. She was so kind to me but I lost that close friendship after we entered Middle school. When I was 8 I ran away. My mom told me to. And I packed my things in my little black sparkley backpack and began running down the road. I went back eventually because I got tired. One time when I was around 9 I was sitting by my window crying because my father had beaten me and the thought occured to me;death.
The thought of killing myself seemed so sweet. I truely believed that my parents didnt love me. One time I had caught them talking about putting me up for adoption.
My Mother used to beat me and call me names.
She would tell me things like,
Ugly, Smelly, Crazy, gay, bitch, etc.
Her words took a toll on my emotional health.
I thought that I would be doing them a favor by taking my life.
I went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife and dug it into my stomach.
Somehow, I was a miracle. I didnt die. I bled but I didnt die. Nobody knew about that until I was about 13. My best friend at that time was Doggie. He was the only one I could talk to about how sad I was. Doggie was my stuffed animal dog that I recieved as a present from both my parents. I had many friends but none of them had a life like mine. From the age 10-13 I tried to commit suicide 10 times. Each for the same reason, a lack of love. I tried slitting my wrists, stabbing myself, eating poisonous things, jumping, pills, heavy objects.
My parents finally found out when I was 13. I told my friend Soraya about my experiences. And she told our school's guidance Counselor. They contacted my parents and I was sent off to Stony Brooke Hospital for a 24 hour observation. The Child Protecting Services people came to the house to question my siblings and my parents. During my stay in the hospital I met an amazing girl called Jenna. She saved my life. After the 24 hours I was put on a stretcher to go to another hospital called Brunswick.
There I saw my parents I was so happy to see them because I loved them. I just didnt know if they loved me back. Once again I found out I had to stay at the hospital. It was a Mental institution. We had school, activities, and a lot of other stuff.

(im getting pretty sleepy, ill countinue writing tomorrow)