Ok so my last blog was asking how to let go of someone. Since noone had any suggestions, I did some research on my own and a site which I actually thought was helpful called coping.org came up. The approach there on that particular site was to kinda us the same 12 step program they use in AA to let go of anything, people, situations, addictions. Basically, from what I personally gathered is by hanging onto something you are demonstrating some actions that can be fixed with a little work. For instance, by contacting my ex I am trying to take control of a situation that is out of my control. I never saw my need for contacting that person as a form of being controlling. BTW being controlling, to a certain extent is natural, but you have to know when to hold em, know when to fold, and ultimately know when to walk away. Thank god I haven't been to Vegas. Now to let go of my ex, first I have to identify why I am holding on to him in the first place. I haven't accepted that we aren't going to ever be together, I have definately been in denial about that, and the sad part is I haven't moved forward towards resonable happiness in my life because of that. So I have to accept that this is a thing I cannot change. Second, I haven't reflected that my actions and behaviors of trying to change the situation are wrong, the only thing I can change, isnt him, the situation, but myself, so I need the courage to see the things I can change, which there are only three things anyone in this world can change......according to what I have studied on the site, my thoughts emotions and actions (TEA). By changing those I can somewhat free myself from the cycle of trying to change the things I can't change. OK the next part is Wisdom to know the difference. I realize now that although I am an incredibly smart individual, and I am used to doing things myself because of how my childhood went down, I can't take care of everyone, I can love people, but love isn't enough to change people, and I should accept them as they are and move forward in my endevors. That is where faith comes in. This part is very difficult to an agnostic such as I. I am suppose to trust a higher power to take care of these people, so that I no longer have the obligation. Now, that part might seem extreme but heres the clencher for all those agnostic or atheists, whom I respect, just as I very highly respect people with the courage to have faith in thier god, so don't get mad at me. The clencher is by letting go and taking a step back is not only good for you, it is very good for the people you let go of, especially if there are other factors taking place, like you are enabling that person, or they are emotionally dependent on you and you have an unhealthy relationship. Most relationships end because they just aren't healthy BTW. So by hanging on sometimes you are driving that other person more against you and more into whatever it is that you want them to stop doing, such as drinking, being inconsiderate, just about anything. Regardless of the scenario, if you probably shouldn't contact someone you probably shouldn't and if you really don't know why you are still attached, you shouldn't still be. If you are looking for a way out, stop looking and take the nearest exit. If you still love someone, understand, love has nothing to do with control. You can love someone forever, but that doesn't mean they are destined to be with you or even part of your life. Love is an emotion, just like anger, sadness, happiness. Don't let a simple emotion disrupt youre current, or future life if it has its place in the past. If you want anymore advice, that site really helped me, and I actually sent a link to it to my friend that has been clinging to me for the last few years. I told her that I felt that our friendship was causing me more harm than good and I had become an emotional dumping ground for her and her problems, and I had moved on, and that I still cared about her and that I didn't think she was a bad person, I just recognised that I needed to do some soul searching and that our friendship didn't seem healthy so I wanted to stop back from it. She was very angry but I noticed that after I did it she contacted new people, and seems to be doing better based on her online status. That raises a new question in my mind though, With modern technology, it makes it very easy to silently observe people that otherwise would be completely removed from your life, by your choice or theirs....so even if I have let go, is it still appropriate for me to check my old friend's myspace page???? Its a complicated world. lol.
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