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and you're unforgiven too.....

Ok, so I have spent the last week completely holed up in my apt. drinking one fine fine wine called Night Harvest, a 2005 merlot that is so smooth and yummy I just can't stop myself. That has nothing to do with anything I am about to rant about but I just felt like sharing. Anyway, I came across some information about someone from my past, that was very disturbing. I won't get into it here though because that would require typing a LOT and I have another blog on this site for that. Anyway, to make a long story short, after forgiving this person from my past the new information that I found made me want to unforgive him. Can you unforgive someone? I thought it was over, but after I found out what I found out, which basically was that he learned nothing and came out on top while I got burned and had to walk through fire. ARRRR. Maybe the sites just arent helping me enough. Maybe I need to schedule an appointment with a real counselor, and straight up tell them. I am not emotionally undeveloped, I just have had a hell of a run of luck with people and despite knowing all the cognitive distortions, personality types, control issues, and methods of letting go of people and freeing your life, well I still feel like I need assistance in letting go of these people that drag me down. They still have power over me by me sitting and feeling sad or upsetted by just hearing about them. I know it will pass in a few days. I just don't input new information very well into the database. I have an analog heart in a digital world. Give me time. Give me lots of time. I'll accept it eventually. God, help me to accept these things I cannot change even when they piss me off. One thing I was thinking of though. You have any idea how damn hard it is to forgive someone. I look at it this way if god really forgives people, well thats got to be hard for him to do. Forgiveness is freaking difficult.