Thoughts.com Blogs - Uggh.. I feel like something some cat dragged in.

Two nights ago before heading to bed I felt a little sickly and I woke up yesterday with some 24hr tummy bug.
I spent the day on the lounge, while the kids re decorated the house.. the big one fed the little one and I was completely hopeless.... All my day consisted of was running to the toilet when I had to. Somehow, with a lot of help from my big girl... I managed to get the girls fed, bathed, teeth brushed and into bed.... Once that was done I just fell to a heap on the lounge again and stayed there until this-morning. I didn't eat or drink a thing yesterday, I know you should keep your fluids up but couldn't have been bothered getting some water. Today I have had 2 water ice-blocks and at 1.41pm I just had my first cup of tea
.
Because I was out of action yesterday, the kids managed to turn the place upside down and eat everything in sight. Awww they're good girls, I just wish I was more use to them yesterday. Well they cleaned up for me today, with a little help from the threat of them not seeing Nan on Monday if they don't. All I need to do now is vacuum. Well that's not ALL there is to do....LOL... there's a weeks worth of work here, but that is all it needs to look semi decent for anyone else.
So I get the girls to clean up, I chuck some washing in the machine, take out some garbage and decide we better get to the shops and get some food and Drano for the blocked bath. I grab the Drano first cause I know if I don't I will forget to get it... they didn't have those little satchels so I had to get a $12 bottle... bummer. I put it in a plastic bag for fruit after reading all about it being a corrosive, don't want that on the food. Then I'm off to find the rest of the things we need. Playing on the radio is Shakira 'hips don't lie' It's a catchy song I guess, I don't mind it. But somehow it led me to think of him, the one that vanished. I thought of all the gorgeous people of the world and thought, yeah he will probably get with one of them... the girl will be prettier and thinner, the sex will be better, she'll be vibrant and fun, and she wont appear insecure because there wont be a distance issue to worry about. He probably already wonders what he saw in me, that's if I even come into his thoughts any more.
Well I get to the check out, pay for my things and leave.

I get home and the neighbour across the road says "You're looking glamorous today"
pfffft.... All I managed to do is smile and say.... I sure don't feel it.
He only said that because he sees me most days and most days I wear my trackie dacks and a jumper, but it was just way too hot for that today so I wore olive green pants and a long sleeve shirt... nothing flash.

Sometimes I think about meeting someone again, a guy (probably due to missing him) ... but I know it's too soon. All I could and should handle now is friendships. Which is probably fine really cause I don't have the energy or desire to be botherd appearing 'happy' and 'with it' to anyone right now.. I know I'm no good to anyone in a romantic way at the moment.
I've been trying to lose weight since the start of august, I'm happy to say that I didn't have a blow out during the break up... not that I felt much like eating, I felt more sick inside than hungry. Anyways I'm also happy to say the olive pants are way looser now, but nothing can be done about the floppy baby belly that was stretched out of shape and left there like a deflated balloon. At least when your fat it's not as noticeable. *sigh*
It reminds me of a muffin dripping over the edge of the muffin cup... grosssssssssss!!!!!!!
Yeah, I have 2 beautiful kids to show for it and I am forever grateful I have them..... but today I want to hate my muffin belly. Mum rang today... I don't even remember what for. God that's selfish... Oh yes, I remember... she was talking about her credit card and banks.

I know in the scale of things everything I have written about is meaningless crap, but some days thats all I see, and I wonder why the wise and wonderful people of the world dont seem to have to have those days, or if they do... they hide it, and if they hide it is that to appear somehow higher or more together in the eyes of others, will it shatter an illusion or is it to not give into it? I let myself give into it because I know it doesn't last forever, these days don't come often (today's episode is probably because I was sick yesterday) and I'm only human, and when you're only human you sometimes feel like something the cat dragged in.
I think I miss the vanisher (my ex) too :(