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I was sick of feeling sorry for myself and I had to get him off my mind, so I joined up some dating site and set up a profile. Ugghhh, will I ever learn?
So I write up my profile, and I have to admit it sounded a tad picky... a little like someone who had been burnt recently and wont take any crap... funny that! Needless to say the replies were slim... it has to be the profile and not the photo cause I'm damn gorgeous... LOL well I hope it was the profile doing the damage anyways... hehe.
Well this guy writes to me, Andee.. he says he's 39 but put down 40 on his profile... I think he looks a few years older than 40.... but ah well, his profile was good, he seemed interesting and from what he wrote I sensed a warm and kind person.
Oh, I'm 36 by the way.... In case you were wondering.
Before long we were chatting via msn and phone, I was getting txt messages from him and it was nice to have someone to chat with at the end of the day. It was doing my ego a world of good... all the compliments and attention.
He wasn't really someone I would normally be attracted to right away but I was quickly getting addicted to what I was getting from him (probably the attention) there were no ties, no expectations... we were just getting to know eachother and seeing how it went.
I did at some stage and for a while... like him alot... Andee sure took my mind off the vanishing ex 'Tim'. I was loving the break from heartache.
Ahhh... then the time came to meet Andee in real life. I was excited about it, I ran around the house like a chook with its head cut off trying to clean up and make it look like my place always looked that way. LOL
I arranged a kid free weekend and before long that weekend arrived.
It was a nice weekend and he was lovely, just as I imagined... but I soon knew nothing too serious would come of it, we were quite different probably on different wave lengths even, but we enjoyed each others company and the weekend. We had a similar sense of humor and laughed alot, that's something that I find really attractive... someone that can laugh at pretty much anything and themselves.
Well at some point after a few subtle touches I just turned around and kissed him... Gawd he was an amazing kisser.... Whooaaaaa!
Well a kiss led to this, which led to that which led to an orgasm or 3 and I have to say his touch was just like his kiss... does that make sense? Well it was... the same tempo, the same lingering essence of whats to come, not rushed, not nervous and far from neanderthal... bliss! That side of things was fine.... but the magic, the thing... the element... whatever 'that' is.... wasn't there.
He reminded me of someone too, not in a big way... it was his mouth I think. I was racking my brain trying to work out who he reminded me of and then it hit me... It was a patient from the mental health hospital I used to work at, the one that always counted.. 24, 36, 48, 19.... PMSL... that just kinda ruined it for me and all I saw after that was 'the counter' So the weekend was coming to an end, and I could sense so were we... you know, with the missing vital ingredients to a great relationship and all.... I wasn't sad though, not everyone can have the magic with everyone or the world would be a mess, it's a chemistry that has to be there, a real element... and I believe we didnt have it, and I felt he thought so too. So it's time for hugs and kisses goodbye and I wave him off on his drive back home.
But as soon as he was gone... I was hit with a huge thud!
All I could think of was Tim. It had been ages since I last tried to call him... weeks even so I rang him, only to be hung up on yet again.... why the hell won't he talk to me?.
For the rest of the day I felt like I was on the verge of bawling my eyes out. I didn't think any more of Andee.... only Tim, and I felt stupid for calling him... why would I think he'd talk this time after what he did.. the way he ended it, surely I could see by now the man has no balls! I just wanted the dull ache, the emptyness to go away.... it did for a while thanks to Andee, but my heart and my soul and all that I am knows I was just creating a band aid solution....And no matter what I called it, or tried to tell myself it was.... it was the rebound.
That night in bed I cried like a baby for the first time over Tim... he doesn't deserve my tears but it was for me, not him.
The next night I spoke with Andee and even though I knew nothing would come of us.. (In fact I had decided I didn't want to take it further) that it was what it was... that the chemistry for a relationship wasn't there.... I knew all this. He said it first and I just kind of said oh ok, ok....I asked a few questions and then we hung up. You would think I would have been happy that I didn't have to say what he said... but I felt like bawling again.
I do realise being as upset as I was had little to do with Andee and alot to do with Tim, plus a newly bruised ego. I cried again that night... twice in 2 nights, thats ALOT for me and even more for someone who was never going to cry over a male again..... but damn it felt good.
It's a week later now and I think giving into the tears did me a world of good.
I can think about work, I have a clear head, I don't carry the heavy load of heartache and I haven't been back to or had any urge to visit dating sites.... I'm just crusin now!
As for my rebound... I suppose I'm glad it was with someone as warm, gentle and respectful as Andee.
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Posted by loveBITES on 2007-09-25 07:15:28 | Rating: | Views: 165
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hi nice to meet you ) it sound like it was a great weekend and with love sometimes comes heartache .
but you know maybe that one true love is just around the corner dont give up searching xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Posted by shiraz
on 2007-09-25 16:47:37
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Hiya Shiraz.. nice to meet you too :-)
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Posted by loveBITES
on 2007-09-25 21:37:31
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I'm happy you rebounded and landed on your feet. I knew the blogging would help you. You are one fine woman and you are going to be all right.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2007-09-25 22:11:58
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Ouch.
Sorry.
Rebounds to soothe a broken heart ...is like putting hot pudding on a burn!
There is life beyond romantic love.
You do not need a man to be happy.
hehe.
How many times have you heard that?
Then why in the heck does being in love with one...make everything seem better?
Pauligan has good theories on chemistry..sounds as if you do too.
A real element you say?
What would we call it on the periodic table?
Ag is silver?
Au is gold?
How about...Pu...for love stinks.
hehe.
Just trying to cheer you.
Do not give up.
Mr. Chemistry is somewhere out there in his white lab coat.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-09-25 23:14:05
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Thanks for suggesting the blog entry pauligan... I feel much better... even tho the world now knows I had good nookie last weekend... LOL
Seriously tho, somehow I knew that with Andee I would have a soft landing... and even though a rebound is not exactly the right thing to do I think in this case it did me alot of good.
I'm thinking of doing a goodbye tim entry and that'll be it for him! woo hoo.
Thanks Pauligan
X
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Posted by loveBITES
on 2007-09-26 01:36:51
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Hot pudding on a burn... hehe, thats funny, true... but funny!
I think what happend helped bring everything I was really feeling to the surface, I'm someone that usually tries to be strong and brave and although I was expressing my thoughts and feelings here it wasn't on a surface level so I didn't have to face it, I had a few tears over the break up but nothing like I did when I finally let go... I bawled, I'm just glad i didn't see myself or I'd never cry again... bawling, screwed up faces on adults are not exactly pretty...lol
I do believe I have let go now and as I said to Pauligan I may have one last entry on my vanisher... more of a poem I think.
Hmm.. I don't know what the element would be called on the periodic table.. LOL
There is life beyond romantic love? damn, why wasn't I told... I'm going to get me some of that life/love. hehe
A good start would be to paint again *sigh*
Thanks for the giggles.
X
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Posted by loveBITES
on 2007-09-26 01:52:06
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I know it isn't easy, but i think you are well on your way.
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Posted by Confusedyetagain
on 2007-09-29 18:31:44
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hey don't be so hard on yourself, you've been great! you had another encounter with a guy, you are showing yourself it is possible to move on and maybe feel happy with another guy. I can identify with the pain you are going through, the mental pain especially but i promise you, the more you act like you don't care and keep Tim out, you'll be more than fine. :]
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Posted by poppyxstars
on 2007-09-30 02:04:54
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Hey, good to see you confusedyetagain... yeah I feel I am well on my way too and I'm happy about it because the other way does my head in way too much.
Take Care
X
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Posted by loveBITES
on 2007-10-02 09:57:11
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That's it poppyxstars! The more you act like you don't care... the closer you get to moving on and putting it behind you. That's how it worked for me. Yay!
X
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Posted by loveBITES
on 2007-10-02 10:01:26
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I have not seen you around in awhile.
Just checking on you...and seeing if you have a new update.
Peace.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-11-05 20:02:39
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