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hey everyone i am an up and coming writer and i would like to get some feedback on some of my writing i will put a few new poems on my blog each week and if you would be so kind as to give me some feedback as to what you think of my work, or some ways to improve it i would be more than grateful to all of you. well here is my first two
thanks
so close yet so far
alls quiet on the hill
no childs laughter can be heard
the pitter patter of little feet
that used to ring in my ears
and warm my heart
has gone silent now
no midnight cries from a childs nightmares
sounds for mommy
the toys that used to litter the floor
now sits silently and sadly in their places
a lonely mother sits on the sofa
she holds a small childs teddy bear
tattered and torn with time
a telephone ring and an anxious jump
could it be them
a hello and a smile and a sad realization
they are so close yet so far away
it is done
in the darkness he comes to me
eyes of flaming red
his snarl rings in my ears
his breath reeks of death and decay
his skin burns with the fires of hell
his voice a growl
he has come for only one reason
hes cloak flows in a nonexistent breeze
he lumbers to my side
a sliver of cold hardened steel in his boney hands
he whispers sweet evil suggestions into my ear as he places the blade in my hand
an evil menace curls the corners of his whithered mouth
revealing a soulless being
my skin crawls as i cant hold on much longer
i float above myself i cannot control myself it is what needs to be done
an eerie laugh grows from him as a pain sears through me
he laughs it is done
thank you all for taking the time to help me improve myself and acheive what i have always dreamed of
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Posted by lotusgirl7795 on 2007-12-01 22:44:23 | Rating: | Views: 114
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cool, but read mine they are copyrightand one of mine are getting
published, keep writing!
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Posted by crazybeautifulmtz
on 2007-12-02 16:28:44
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