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its been 5yrs & 8mos. but y do i feel dis way?...i hate myself for having a feeling like dis, im hurting sum1 & im hurting myself too, but how can i face it?is it true that having a long relationship makes the feeling cold for each other? am i bad?for d past yrs, i didn't know when did i feel the real happiness in my relationship..i dnt know wer do i start...d 1st tym i saw him, i told myself, i won't fall for dis guy, but it didn't happened.....we became 2geder.i was 22 then,my last yr in college.i know myself, once i became closer to a guy, its hard 4me to let him go, we've been ok even if my family didn't want him for me, i dnt know, maybe im just a brat, basta ang alam ko tama ang ginagwa ko, khit cnu mkausap ko ako ang tama...ako ang hindi nila kya intindihin....sarado utak ko, basta mhal ko sya un n un....pero after almost 2yrs. may dumating n isang guy, ofcem8 ko, naging close kmi, kc pinbyaan kong mplapit ako s kanya....s kanya ko nramdam un kulang s min dalawa ng bf ko....super sweet, maalalahnin, feeling ko super ganda ko, pgurl tlga....iba treatment nya sken, d way ng pagtreat sken ng bf ko....naging super close kmi as in, gang dumatng s point n hirap nrin akong mwla sya sken....we've been doing things n gingwa lng ng magbf or magasawa...actually may gf din sya & alam ko un, basta nag-eenjoy lng kmi s company ng bwat isa....sumtyms may tampuhan din pero ngi2ng ok din kmi...dumating ung point n isa s min gusto n tpucn un, pero di rin n22loy...until s kelngan ko ng magresign s work ko dhil mags2ma nkmi ng bf ko and we have new business....at 1st di ko p sya mklimutan, ilang mos. din ang dumaan nging ok nko...tanggap ko n wla n sya sken, nagfocus ako s bf ko, magksma nkmi isang bhay, we live as parang mag-asawa n, until 1day nlaman namin n may skit sya,TB, super hirap, lalo n side ko, lahat ng sisi sken binato ng family nya, naungkat lahat ng problem including family side ko, financially...lahat...kung pumayat sya dhil s skit nya, ako dhil s problema, sobrang harass ako emotionally, super depress, tipong di ko n alam kung anung g2win ko....dun ko n feel n takot akong mwala sya sken...pero di ko p rin sure kung anu ang ikint2kot ko, nagpgmot sya, until mging ok n sya...continuous p rin un pagp2gmot nya mdyo nging ok nrin ako s family nya....until nid ko naman bumalik s work dhil s problem ko naman financially s family ko, nid ko p pag-aralin un sis ko, w/c is di kya tustusan ng business namin un, ok n sken, blik nlng ako uli s work, sister n ng bf ko ang nagmanage s business namin...no choice ako eh....after 9mos...dun p rin ako bumalik s dting work ko, gnun p rin, andun prin un ofcem8 ko n nkrelasyon ko....at 1st we remain friends, pero bandang huli may nangyri uli s min, hanggang s hndi nlng kmi uli nagp2ncnan, prang wla lng, until dumating isang proj. s ken, may nksma ako s work isang married guy, at 1st alam ko n s srili ko n di mlabong mging close ako s kanya and may iba pang mangyri between us.gnun uli, nging super close kmi as in close.lhat ng problems ko, s kanya ko ns2bi, un mga bgay n hndi ko msbi s bf ko,s kanya ko nailalabas, gnun din sya, di perfect ang relationship nya s wife nya, meron n kc syang background as "babaero" but still pinygan ko p rin ang srili kong mplapit s kanya.evrytime may tampuhan cla sken din nya naikkukwento....lahat ng mga kulang s present relation namin nkuha namin s isat-isa, kya mas naging close kmi....one tym nag-outing kmi ksama mga kaofcem8 ko, we became closer, dun kmi nagkron ng super bonding, kwentuhan ng kming dlwa lng, hanggang s ikiss nya ko s lips, i know mangy2ri un at dat tym, besides im waiting nrin eh....mdyo ntkot ako kc nga bababero sya, but dat tym he keep on saying n i2loy n namin kung anu man un meron nkming dalawa, parang officially istart n namin un relasyon namin, di pko pumayag, kc nga nagdoubt pko...(W/C IS ALAM KONG SUPER TANGA KO NA KUNG MANINIWALA PKO S KANYA)...day pass by, work lng kmi, until one day, preho kming pgod s work, we nid rest, nagky2an kming dlwa, phinga lng....nag C.I. kmi, and it happened, but not to point n as in we became one....un lng ang hndi namin ginwa, nagpumilit p sya pero ayaw ko tlga e, naging ok din naman s kanya, nsundan p un once, twice a week...we became so much closer....until kelngan ko n2mang magresign uli dhil s business namin, super nlungkot ako, sobra sobra, nag se2cond thought nko kung tma b ang mgi2ng desisyon ko, magi2ng msya bko?wla rin naman akong choice eh, kung di ko g2win n magresign bka un p mging reason pra maghiwlay kmi ng bf ko..den ginwa ko n2man, sbi nung guy khit wla nko s work ko, dpat maging kmi p rin, pumayag ako kc ako mismo mhi2rpan n kung tuluyan sya mwla sken, after a wk ng nagresign ako, nagkita kmi uli, may nangyri uli s min, continuous lng relationship namin, txt, twgan......hangagang one day, nagdesisyon sya n tpucn n namin......ayoko sna pumayag, pero decided n sya eh, super ang skit s ken, recently lng 2, kya super nlu2ha pko habang ginwa ko 2ng blog n 2 ha.... ....super attachd nko s kanya.....ang hirap, until now nmi2z ko p rin sya, pero alam ko dpat ko n syang klimutan, i've been too unfair n s bf ko, but maybe i wont do dis things if i'm happy w/ him right? i think sumthings wrong w/ me......naguguluhan p rin ako if ready nb akong pksal s bf ko......i didn't know what i nid to do.......
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Posted by lotsofquestion on 2008-07-24 01:51:31 | Rating: | Views: 100
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Dear lotsofquestion,
Wow I'm sorry I read into your personal diary.
I had thought you posting some thoughts for people to share.
Now I can see why I am unable to communicate with a lot of people here in syberspace. I was barely able to understand a couple of words and I guess that's the way you intended.
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Posted by jwcj
on 2008-07-24 05:10:13
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