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did you ever feel like killing yourself every other day?
I do. I am not going to do it. I know because unlike most people i did it more than once before. I tried to shot myself with a revolver. This was before the days of xbox and play station so I didn't now how to load a gun properly. Any way the gun didn't fire, so i jumped into an ice cold river and was saved by a large dog. By the time i made it to the opening of the glen the police were there to meet me. Arrested and confused I was taken to the police station and then on to a hospital. Later, very shy from my folly I refused all but my Dad's visit. He and I didn't talk much then so he seemed the least invasive. My friends turned out to be different than who I thought.

Now I seem to be in the same place. Perhaps my friends will turn out to be from the unexpected camp. So much has happened in the past few years. Mum died, then my young sister; 27 she was. I just try and cope, but inside I am dying and dying. My Family are a mess. They have not lived up to their billing. There for you; 'till the end; no break away from our values; no breach of confidence. Yet, almost all broke the covenant.

Today my partner is feeling less able to cope. A normal state of mind. She has just said for the one thousandth time that she is leaving, but she never does. I will have to leave. This I think is coming. I am building my courage to face this demon. I am afraid but I am trying to break out.

I you find yourself in a similar position, reach out into this ether call the net and blog along side me.

your company would be welcomed.