Yesterday was an odd day.  J came to collect the girls as arranged as they left with him it felt very strange. I was happy that the girls were getting to spend some time with their dad, but at the same time it was a gut wrenching feeling that it has to be this way.

For me the day was pretty empty without the children, ( if I'm honest the first couple of hours were a nice break but after that I began to miss them). Anyway during the day I receive a call from the girls asking if they could invite daddy for tea, (nice one kids!). I had to agree they had been so pleased to see him I didnt want to spoil their day.

SO there we are sitting around the table eating our meals- and this was not as awkward as I had anticipated- when the youngest  says " this is nice we are nearly a family" bless her my girls do have a way with words.

The evening passed quite pleasantly, we all played games, watched a film and J and I had a drink or 2. This of course meant that he couldnt drive home so he stayed the night on the sofa. 

We were getting on so well it would have been easy to spend the night with him,  I know it was what we both wanted but this would have confused us all. Especially if the children had seen us in the bed together again.  

It was good to see him we laughed, joked, cried and talked. WHY THE HELL COULDNT WE DO THAT BEFORE IT CAME TO THIS?

Is there hope that there may yet be a way we could try again? Im not sure, I would like to think so, I still love him and miss him like crazy, but I'm not going to build my hopes up.

Yesterday has helped  me realise that I whether we are together or apart I am strong enough to survive. I know there is a long road ahead and there may be problems on route but Iwill make it