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I wonder, how do I really want to spend my life? I say I'm not ready for marriage now, but will I ever be? If I do get married, would I be able to be fair to my husband and children? I love work, I love working and I simply love the work-environment. No matter what the job is, I find happiness within it.
I know my parents can't wait until I get married, but I really don't think I will be able to do that. Let's face it, I can't even stay in a "relationship" now, and I don't even see the guy often enough to get sick of him, I don't talk to him every day, I still have my freedom, I can still work from sunrise to sunset without feeling obliged to go home, take care of anyone. With all this though, I still feel like there's something missing, and I'm thinking maybe that's why I don't get into relationships. Perhaps I can't find the guy that steals my heart because I'm not giving him enough time to steal it.
Attended a session called "True Colors" during the conference this weekend. Turns out I'm a Gold. When it comes to a Gold under the section of "At work" it says (and here are just parts of it): "I like set routines and organized ways of doing things...", "...I like subjects that are useful and traditional...". It also states that I am, "Prepared", "Organized" and, "Concrete". I scored a 21 under the Gold section. My lowest score was under the Blue section, which wasn't surprising.
The Blues which states under the "With friends" section (and here are just parts of it): "I always look for perfect love. I am very romantic...", "I love intimate talks and warm feelings". It also states that Blues are "Sympathetic", "Compassionate" and, "A Nurturer". I scored a 6 under this section. Big surprise, eh?
It made me think and wonder...I really don't feel like I'm in touch with my emotional self. The guest speaker was explaining to us that, in order to achieve the ultimate amount of success, you would have to be balanced between all four colors (Gold, Blue, Orange and Green). If I can get any more imbalanced than this, please let me know. I could probably get married one day, but that doesn't mean that I'll understand that meaning of love.
I wish there was a way that I could understand me better. I wish there was a way that I could develop every aspect in my life. I really wish there was a way that I could understand what it feels to be in love, to feel compassionate about someone or something. Why can't there just be a manual of "How to find yourself and balance your life" that would be handed to us once we are born, read to us instead of those bed-time stories?
I wonder how other people would have "graded" me on the True Color test. Do I really seem intimidating and mean like many of my acquaintances say? I wish I knew what people honestly and truthfully thought of me. I don't need the reassurance, I just need to cure my curiousity.
Quite honestly, True Colors was great. It helped me expand my thoughts, let my train of thoughts run longer and longer. It opened new doors with many questions. I think I'll be going to their other seminars. Who knows. It would help if I had answers to my own questions before I go and open more doors.
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Posted by lonelysoul on 2007-11-17 23:35:03 | Rating: | Views: 102
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Honestly, if you werent at least in a little way in touch with your emotional side, you would not have these thoughts at all. I too thrive at work. Simply because its the only place I feel trully in touch with myself, because I can be myself. I am valued, and appreciated and its the best feeling in the world. Of course I am not having much luck in the love department so that does not say much. At least you know your not ready to get married, some people are in complete denial about it and do it anyway...then they simply simmer in regret. Dont rush it just because it feels like you have to in order to be complete. Best wishes to ya.
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Posted by Fragmented_Dream
on 2007-11-18 11:23:29
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That's true I suppose. Didn't really think about that way. But I guess I was speaking more in regards of a "romantic" relationship or whatever. Knowing what I want, where I'm going and where I came from, don't necessarily pose a problem for me. It's just everything else. lol
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Posted by lonelysoul
on 2007-11-18 15:52:52
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