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Here's another blog today. Just trying to clear my mind before I lay my head to sleep. So as I was walking home today, I realized that I was somewhat jealous from everyone around me. Every where I look, I see families sitting together having a fabulous time. I want that. I begin to think however, I'm lucky enough to have a family and yet still have the opportunity to experience holidays without family. It helps feeling this way just for the reason that it helps me understand those that I want to ultimately help later on in life. Nothing could fill this void. Nothing. Friends may invite you over, relatives may ask about you...but at the end of the day, it's your immediate family that truly matters.
Finally got home, opened the door, saw my roommate and her boyfriend sitting down with my roommate's daughter. She runs to me and hugs me as if I were her mother. It felt great, if only for a minute. Her mother turned around and gave me a look of hatred. Perhaps hatred of being able to be so close to her daughter? Perhaps hatred because she sees her daughter run to me when I walk through the door, and yet she has never had the opportunity to experience that herself. I'm not sure. I may never be certain. But what I do know is this, I definitely do want to get married and I definitely do want kids. A whole lot of them.
My friend just called me, and asked me what I was going to do for the holidays, told him I was going to go walking around the neighborhood looking for apartments. He was nice enough to offer coming for a walk with me. I asked him why he doesn't want to spend the holidays with his parents considering that they are his main priority...he told me, "you're a priority to me too" I'm not sure what to think of that. It's nice of him, but I feel bad "taking" him away from his family on Christmas eve and Christmas day. We'll see what happens.
I'm dizzy and I'm not feeling too well. I'm somewhat upset that I don't have work tomorrow...that means I have nothing to do. Well, I guess it's true when they say, "be careful for what you wish for, it may come true". My wish did come true...I have a day off of work, for me, for myself. But then again, with my roommate and her family here, I'm not sure how much of the "me time" I'll be able to get. I was hoping that I would be able to rest most of tomorrow, and then go apartment hunting the day after. Everyone would be at home and the streets would be mine to walk on...it would be the perfect opportunity to walk around, write down numbers and look for apartments.
I think I'm going to go now. Probably to sleep, but then again, they're being too loud. Don't have the heart to tell them to lower their voices...it's not every day we get to be with family...that much I know for sure. |
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Posted by lonelysoul on 2007-12-24 01:36:34 | Rating: | Views: 97
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your blog caught my attention- cuz you sound a lot like me, actually i'm kinda trippin right now, we seem to be alot alike. do you mind if i ask you some questions like... is this your first holiday away from your family?
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Posted by Neffy_Vegas
on 2007-12-24 01:54:17
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Nope. Not my first, but year after year, the feeling gets worse. The craving for family, for love and for true laughter grows bigger and stronger.
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Posted by lonelysoul
on 2007-12-25 15:06:03
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