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I'm not feeling well today. I think my neurocardiogenic syncope thing is kicking in. It's funny though because I took my medication today, and I even had some salt and water...the symptoms just don't want to go away. I'm still looking for an apartment, going to look at one today actually. Wish me luck!
Found out that my "friends" aren't really who they appear to be. I want to do something that means a lot to me (nothing illegal or anything of that sort...it's a way of bettering myself). My "friends" think I'm being silly. When I explained to one of them that I was through with the whole party scene, through with the hook-up thing, and just through with the whole "college life scene" they said I was "acting stupid". It's funny that they would say that considering that I'm trying to better myself, trying to prioritize my tasks and organize my life. I want to focus on myself, school and work more. She said, "everyone our age does this, you're not doing anything wrong ...!!" I explained to her that I wanted to become a better person by getting closer to God, by praying and doing the right things now...her response? "You've been f-en around all this time, and NOW you want to better yourself? It's not like you have a shot of going to heaven, just forget it". I was in complete awe. I had expected support if nothing else. I told her that I believed that it was never too late to better oneself and that getting closer with your creator was nothing wrong, she said, "so you want to tell me that you're going to give up drinking, partying, having guys spend the night over, making out with guys...etc. for something silly like that?" Again, I was in awe. How dare she? Who does she think she is by judging me like that? Who is she to say what good and bad I have done in my life? Has she taken a look at her life? She sleeps with guys, she's not a virgin, she drinks like there's no tomorrow, talks back to her mother and is rude many of the times! But me being me...I stayed quiet and told her that me taking the steps that I am taking to get closer to God was a personal belief that she would never be able to understand. It goes without saying, I'm sure, that she got mad. At some point, I calmed down and explained to her why I was taking the steps that I was taking, then asked, "do you know what I mean?" Her idiotic response? "No, you're such a great BS-er. You're not making any sense. You think that God is going to forgive you for all that you have done?" I wanted to yell at this point, but I knew it wasn't the way to go, so I said, "God is forgiving and mericiful. He will help me when I need help". She explained to me the difficulties that I may be facing here in the USA, and then said, "Don't B.S. me again! Don't tell me that you'll be able to handle it and that you won't care, because you will" Oh my goodness how I wanted to reach through the phone and punch the living soul out of her. I calmly responded, "I do understand where you're coming from, I appreciate your concern, but this is a choice that I want to make. Living in the USA with my personal choice of life may not be easy, but I'd prefer suffering in this life than the after-life". She laughed.
I hate her! I do! I supported her through her stupid ideas, through her crazy thoughts. Why can't I get SOMEONE's support? Just ONE PERSON!!!!!!! What in the world is wrong with people nowadays? They want people to support them but they are not willing to support others! I hate people here! I wish she would just grow up. I wish I could just graduate and get out of this whole "college scene" life. I can't take it. I'm disgusted with myself and with others! I want to live a life where I know I won't have to run into that person again. Arrrggghhhh |
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Posted by lonelysoul on 2008-01-03 17:04:34 | Rating: | Views: 52
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Her attitude had a lot more to do with her than you. If you feel the need to change your life, what does that say about the life she is living? There is probably a Christian student group where you go to school. Attend an event or two. You will find acceptance I'm sure. Good Luck.
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-01-04 00:42:58
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