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I feel lonely. I feel like crying. I wish someone could hold me. I feel like screaming so loud, in hope that the lonliness will go away; in hope that the desire to be held and admired by someone will vanish. So much to do, so little desire to do them. I just want to stay at home, in bed, watch movies, cry, eat chocolate chip ice cream, and pray that I'll get used to this feeling.
I don't want to get used to it. But the pain of it, is hard to describe. I'd rather live without it then live like this forever. I met a really nice guy last night at the club; both him and his friend were pretty cool, so my friend and I ended up having a blast with them. I gave him my number...its almost tomorrow...I don't think he'll call. I feel horrible, dirty. How could I just give someone my number? But what's even worse than giving a cute, fun guy my number...is just the thought of how sad and pathetic I am to expect him to call. It's not the first time somone ignores me...won't be the last.
I don't want to go to Vegas for my best friend's wedding. Is that bad? It's just that she's going to be with her husband, and I'm going to have to be the "third wheel" or whatever. I'll have to wake up and go to sleep watching them being all cuddly and cute. If I choose to walk away from them...all I see everywhere, are people making out, people holding hands...etc. ... I want that, and because I don't have it....I feel jealous, hatred, and envy. I hate feeling those feelings. I really do. It's not fair. I wish them the best together, even if I don't know them, but I still wish I were in their shoes. .... hate me if you want, but I'm just being honest.
Last time I met a guy in Vegas when I went with my friend and her fiance...he ended up ditching me...never called again. It's weird. What do I do to scare them away? I'm not fat, I'm not smelly, I don't complain (thoughts.com is an exception!!)...I don't know what it is. I wish I did.
Guys...why do you walk away from girls? I think it's because the guys start talking to me in hope that they could hook up with my friend somehow (she's hot...I'll admit it!), but when they find out that she would never betray her hubby, they walk away from me as well. That's my theory. I wish I knew the truth.
I really feel lonely. I'm going to bed now and sulk for a while, perhaps days...who knows. |
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Posted by lonelysoul on 2008-03-16 23:15:04 | Rating: | Views: 209
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