We went out last night, it was okay except for the fact that too many people were giving me attention and my friend suddenly feels, "safe, and proud to have such a friend" as that as the friend that I brought along. My one friend (Sarah) wanted to go out on a date with a guy (Matt) but didn't want to go alone, so she asked me to go along with them and to bring a friend along. It was a last moment thing, so I wasn't able to think of many people. I sent a text to one of my friends (Jay) and asked him if he wanted to come...he said he would love to but he got out of work at around 11pm. So, Matt, Sarah and I were at the club for about two hours before Jay came along. During those two hours, Matt kept asking me, "Where's your date? Is he coming?" Apparently, Sarah told Matt that I was the one who didn't want to go out on a date alone and asked her if she could come. I don't know why she said that or why she would do that, but she did. Oh well, whatever. While waiting for Jay, Sarah began describing Jay to Matt, telling him that he's about 4'1 and that I met him at a mental institute while volunteering there. Now, I wouldn't mind it if it were true. I love volunteering in such places, but that's definitely not where I met Jay. And Jay is far from being 4'1. And mind you, Sarah only met Jay once.

Jay called and told me that he was outside, I went outside to see him, Matt and Sarah came along. Sarah came to see Matt's reaction and Matt wanted to see who I was bringing exactly. Jay steps out of his car and Matt is in complete awe. Matt was finally able to realize that Jay was actually 7'1 and not 4'1. I've known Jay for a while now and his height means nothing to me, I even forget that he's as tall as he really is. We walk into the club and of course, everyone is looking at us. Jay and I were holding hands...suddenly, Sarah comes up to us, begins to hug him and begins to joke around with him. I don't mind it at all, but what I do mind is people calling for attention. Also, I know Jay is sick and tired of people asking him about his height and his occupation. If he's not...well I am. Every time we hang out, go for a walk, or whatever, about 7-10 people stop us each hour to ask about him, take a picture with him and all. He told me he doesn't mind it sometimes, but sometimes he just wants to have a good time without people trying to befriend him because of his physical features. I think it's quite understandable, and I had already told Sarah about that..I guess she may forgotten that little fact last night.

It goes without saying, that during the whole night, people were staring our way and being all friendly with Jay. I didn't mind that part...it's only normal. But what I did mind was Sarah and Matt. They were supposed to be on a date...all of a sudden, they keep talking to Jay, joking around with him and all. It wouldn't bother me if I wasn't given their backs 3/4 of the time. I eventually went to sit down. Jay noticed and sat next to me and asked if everything was alright, I don't like ruining anyone's night...plus, if he was enjoying the attention, why would I tell him what i was really feeling at that moment? So I said no and that I was just tired of dancing and standing up...I blamed the high heels.

I told him I was stepping outside for a cigarette, and that he should just stay there and have a good time with Sarah and Matt. I stepped outside...I looked back once and saw them all joking and laughing hysterically. I think it's great. One problem though, Sarah and Matt didn't even ask where I was. I had more than one cigarette, so it took time until I went back into the room. While having a cigarette, I was asked by a number of people the same question, "You're that girl with that tall dude, aren't you?" I said, "Yeah, I am" that's when they started asking about his life, I simply told them what I tell everyone that asks me about him, "His life is not mine to discuss...go ask him". That's when the girls came to me and started asking, "So you're not dating him? Is he looking for anyone? Would you mind if I go and approach him?" I don't mind and I told them to go for it.

I was walking back to the room, I saw Sarah sitting on Jay's lap and just joking around, while Matt was telling his friends about Jay. Don't get me wrong, I really don't care if they're all having a good time. I just felt horrible for bringing Jay to such a place where all the attention would be on him. From a far distance, when I saw them all laughing and having a good time, I stepped back outside...everyone was too busy taking pictures and all that good stuff...I try to avoid the attention, I'm not really into all that. I prefer being in the background. About five minutes later, I see Jay coming up to me in the smoking area...I immediately put a smile on my face and acted like I was having a blast. He hugged me as he always does...he knows I don't like the attention, so when people were approaching him then, he just said..."hey dude, can we talk in a bit? I'm here to talk to her" pointing at me.

I guess I just enjoy hanging out with him all alone, not because of anything other than the fact that the minute my friends meet him, they start to act all weird. I enjoy the walks I take with him, and the jokes he makes...I don't like how he's trying to get something out of me, how he's always trying to get me to go to his house and just "watch a movie"...yeah, you'd think it's just a movie too..but I've tried that before...ended up walking home really upset. He was trying to get all fresh with me. He knows I'm against pre-marital sex and kissing and making out is as far as it will ever go with me....and that's only if I give my heart to the guy. I know he has a good time with me as well...I mean, he tells me that all the time. He tells me, "you're the most important thing in this world to me, I really like you and I don't want to lose you". If I don't hang out with him, he doesn't do anything that night...it breaks my heart, but I can't hang out with him all the time, I can't stand the attention like he can. We normally go for our walks around 1 or 2 in the morning, but you'd be surprised by the number of people that are awake at that time.

I saw him today and asked him why he thought he liked me...I mean, I'm not giving him anything and a lot of girls would die to be with him...he simply looked at me and said, "because you treat me like a normal person, you don't see me from the outside. You're not after the attention, and you're not all shallow". I don't know what to think anymore.

He's a great guy, but I can't see myself with him. I love him as a friend, but he doesn't stop trying to get "some" or "hooking up" with me. I can't even count how many times he asked me to be his girlfriend. I don't know how to let him down gently and still not lose him as a friend. I really don't. He has a big heart and he's an amazing friend...but that's all I see in him. How do I stop him from trying over and over again?