Wow, it's definitely been a while since I've last written here. Anyway, we lost my grandmother about two weeks ago. It was heartbreaking, especially since I wasn't able to be there with my family. I still don't believe it. I look at pictures and I tell myself, "oh, she's okay, I'll see her when I go back home this summer" I hate the fact that it's just not registering. I realize it and I recognize it, but I haven't given myself enough time to actually absorb it and accept it. I don't know, it's weird.
My "friend" is driving me crazy, he wants to sleep over, he wants to spend time with me, he wants me to talk to him only...etc. Doesn't he realize that I really don't like him in "that" way? I've tried telling him over and over again...he just doesn't get it. He comes knocking on my door and my windows if I don't pick up one of his phone calls, or if I tell him I'm going to sleep and I don't let him come and spend about 5 minutes with me. It's creepy, it definitely doesn't put me at ease. I hate it, and I've tried telling him a few times, that if he continues down this path, I'll eventually have to call the police. He doesn't believe me, and I don't want any problems. I just want him to leave me alone and not "stalk" me!!
I've been financially in the dumps. It's horrible. I hate this. My friend is getting married in Vegas soon, and I don't want to be the 'third wheel' so I'm in a continuous path of finding someone I could have fun with and just go. We'll see how that goes.
There are a few guys that would go in a heart-beat if I ask them, but I don't want to ask them because I'm afraid they'll think it's a way to 'get me' or something. I don't know what to do.
I'm really home sick, and I'd rather be with my family in my home country right now. It's killing me. I try to keep myself busy with school and work, but I can't help but slip a thought or two about home every now and then.
My back has been killing me for a while, I'm not sure what's going on. I've been having headaches for a while now, and they just don't go away even after I take aspirin, I don't know what to do. I don't have money to be going to doctors right now. I can't afford it, but my pain is just reaching a point where it's completely unbearable. :( I hate this.
I'm working on a website right now for my parents, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to do it. It's just that I've never made a website, and I really want this one to be an e-commerce website, it's going to be a present from me to my parents... a way of making their lives a little easier by using the internet more. I don't know if I'll ever get it done.
I'll be walking in May. I can't wait, but then part of me is scared. What if I don't live until that day? Okay, that's stupid...but what if I fail and my "walk" was just pointless?
I asked my father to cancel my sisters' trip this summer because I really don't have time to be taking care of them. I have to take 19 units to earn my degree, and if they come to visit for two months, I won't have time to spend with them. I feel horrible for doing that, I really do. They've been counting down the days for MONTHS now. But no one bothered to ask me if I would have time...and when I found out, I felt bad to say anything, but the closer we get to June, the more worried I get. It's horrible. I feel guilty...really guilty. Now my sisters are upset and I don't know what to do. At the same time though, I really want to pass, I really want to get the hell out of here. I'm done. I'm through. I need my life back home. I need to be around people who speak my language and understand my beliefs without me having to have to explain them all the time. I miss the bargains that we were able to make in the marketplace. Arrgghhh..I miss home. The thought of it brings tears to my eyes.
I think I like this one guy, but I barely know him, which makes this really hard. I want to ask him to go to Vegas with me, but then, I'm worried...I honestly barely know him. I mean, he's in my class, but that's about it. I'd like to get to know him, but I don't have time. I don't want to make time. If I do, I'm also afraid that "stalker-boy" would go all out and crazy, and I can't afford that right now because he's also in one of my groups in an intense group. It sucks.
Anyway, I'm at work. I just wish the guy I have a crush on would text me, perhaps we could go for a walk later on tonight. Who knows.
My cousin is supposed to come over this weekend, but I'd really prefer she didn't. I don't have time. I have to meet up with two groups on Saturday, and three on Sunday. How am I supposed to tell her that I retreat my invitiation? It's rude, it's just that I didn't anticipate the weekend to be that crowded and clustered until two days ago...a week after I had invited her. I feel horrible. :(