Is it possible to ever run dry of tears? If so then I should have cryed for the last time.
Not one day goes by when I am not consumed within tears, my head heavy as are my eyes.

In 6 days no food have passed lips and I feel myself fighting those frantic thoughts to over eat, and starvation becoming my escape. I'm not sure whats becoming of me, and at times I do not care, just as long as I am empty. I have become a professional lier, consumed within my secreat, my lie,  my mind. I've pushed everyone away, and the doors around me are closing.
I spend my time rushing backwards and forwards to the kitchen cabinets and fridge, but I fight my thoughts, I know what will happen and how I will feel if I eat. I panick that I may give in and so I take myself back to living room away from temptaion, where I sit in hunger which hurts.

I have reached my target weight, I thought it would be better that things would get better, and I would feel a sense of achievment. I don't feel any diferent for those feelings have not left me. I can't understand why my body doesn't feel light, why I don't feel slimmer. I still feel heavey and I am still plagued by my frantic thought's, and I know I must be slimmer to see and feel my bones.

What do I do now, where do I go from here?

I have become so lost and I mean lost, It's like someone has put me on a dessert island with no survival supplies, I'm the only one on the island, me and my head I am stuck here with the enemy, or is she?,
I know it's probably just in my head, but to me it feels as though I am drowning, my head feels like a warzone and it just won't stop. Day after day I seem to be losing control over my life and it terrifies me. Even when I  have to be around  people, I just stand there like a zombie, not listening or joining in with what they are doing or saying, just listening to them and my head and thinking of how much slimmer I need to be.
Most of the time lately I feel too tired to fight it so I just listen and then when it gets to much i end up breaking down in tears, but I try to hide it.

You see it doesn't matter how you try to escape it, doesn't matter how hard you try to run you'll never run fast enough. Ana has no features or feelings, she is flat and lifeless yet hates me and seeks to ruin me more than anything else could. If I were to die well, would she be gone to?  Her only reason  for existance is to wreck me.

 And as I stand infront of the mirror starring at my body and the darkness that surrounds my face I can hear last nights words splintering through my mind. (That's just the way your built) my father had  said.
 But I will change, my cocoon is shedding.