I have surrendered. For ever I have denied the docs medication. Last week I decided It was the last resort and I needed it! I'm not going to justify myself - it will only make it harder. I'll be honest - like it or not!!

The meds are helping. I feel so clam, calmer than I have in I don't know how long... for me it's a mixture between being stoned and speeding. Calm like I'm stoned and clear and focused like I'm speeding.. can I ever be this without the meds? Does it matter?

I am confused about what to think bout this. I feel lots better and its only been 6 days! I've avoided these type of drugs because I have seen how hard it is too quit them. But i also know people who have decided that they will be on them forever... I have been through detox myself so i also know how it feels to "give something up"

Well at this moment all is well. My body is more relaxed, I am less reactive and more chill. It's a good break and I can tell my body needs it. My mind is still working overtime but I'm not obsessive.

Back to the dr monday - she will check me for the next month or so..... god i love being alive - I'll do anything to hang on here. It really is fantastic and I have accessed so little of it because of my depression and anxiety. Things are changing. i saw a kangaroo cross my path  on my walk friday and I also got offered a job teaching swimming...

Thanks RevDrRon. I hope you're not too disappointed in me. I am using you affirmations 2x a day. All i can say is that at now my mind and body is calm enough to take the message in. I wish it had been different but this is how it is.

love and light

lola