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| This is a list of what I should have been...
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...but I'm not.
Today has been a really unpleasant day. Last night, Baby Love was up until 3 am. My allergies are ripping me a new a-hole, and I'm TOTALLY not used to that because I rarely, if ever, have allergy problems.
And then, there's my mother.
Today she had blood drawn. It was supposed to be a small vial of blood. Instead, they took a whole crap ton, which lead to her passing out. Which means, naturally, that some sort of state of emergency has to be declared over all houses in our area, and everyone should expect a dramatic downpour of get well wishes with a good chance of hurricanes of tragic phone calls and visits.
I got the call at about 11:45 today. "I passed out while giving blood. Your gramma was going to stay with me, but she has to take her truck in to get something fixed on it, can you come up and sit with me?" To which I immediately reply, "Yep. I'll be leaving here in about 5 minutes." Do I whine about it? No. I pull on some (fairly) acceptable clothes and grab up my baby, putting him in some (not-so) acceptable clothes and speed off to my mother's house.
I get there with a baby that's 99% of the way asleep until my mother and grandmother show up, in which case he goes to 99% awake.
And all hell breaks loose. I'm a terrible mother, you know. I don't take care of my children in any way, shape, or form. Not like MY mother, who loves me (yes, I know this) and has always put me first (which I'm sorry, it isn't necessarily a fully factual account of my life no matter how many of her friends and coworkers she convinces of this fact). No, I leave my children standing, weeping in the living room while I go and stuff my face with the finest foods. My children receive only crusts of stale bread and water. I give them nothing. I treat them like nothing. They're so lucky to have a grandmother like my mother who takes such an active interest in their lives (to which I laugh with a resounding HA HA HA) and "practically raises them." Yes, that's a direct quote. I believe she's had Baby Love maybe 2 or 3 nights since he was born and maybe 4 or 5 afternoons. He's 17 months old. His great grandmother and his great aunt watch him almost every weekend religiously and fall all over themselves to take care of him whenever they get a chance to. And she wonders why he goes to them and looks at her like she's a stranger. J has been there even less. No, maybe the same amount of nights, although that's changed recently. Now, when she gets drunk, J asks if he can stay there because when she gets drunk, she gets happy and loves everyone. So he stays a lot more often.*
Anyway, this berating continues until my mother looks at me and says, "[L] is coming over. So you can go home any time you want." By this point, I had been there maybe 15 minutes. So my eyes widen and I can't believe my ears (although it should come as no surprise to me because after all, this happens often). Any time I'm at my mother's house without anyone else there (and by anyone else I mean anyone in the extended family or friends or strangers), I'm constantly being told (usually politely, but not always) that it's time for me to go. Even when I first walk in the door. Talk about feeling loved, right?
Anyway, I was just a constant nuisance in the hour I stayed there (and I only stayed so that my gramma wouldn't lay a guilt trip on me thicker than Tammy Faye Baker's eye make-up). So when my gramma got back, I jetted. Immediately. As did [L] and I don't blame her at all. But the worst part is that now I'm home with my loving husband who only has one day off this week (hes working 12 hour shifts - 7pm to 7am 4 nights on, one night off for the entire month of May) and I'm taking my frustration out on him. I suck like woah. And so do a lot of other people.
*This entire paragraph is sarcastic and exaggerated when it comes to my child care. I just needed to make that clear. Also, J is old enough to stay with someone who has been drinking. Once again important for me to make that clear. My6 mother might be irksome, but she is not and will not ever be a danger to my kids.
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Posted by lmedison on 2008-05-13 20:02:54 | Rating: | Views: 43
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You sound like a good mom, and you definately are a great daughter despite the selfishness of your mother) to drop everything and go tend to her. I have a few of those type of people in my family and it makes me crazy!! Keep blogging...i did and was able to get everything off my chest - feelings that I had bottled up inside, and burdening my husband with. Good luck, you are a good person.
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Posted by girlzone
on 2008-05-13 20:34:33
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