What is something that makes you feel good? I mean really good, relaxed, and in a simple word, happy?
Maybe, having a girls night out, or a day at the spa, a night being pampered. Think about how that makes you feel, you're at a good place in your mind, you're feeling rewarded; the self respect you hold endearing to yourself, self confidence, self love. You have the world in the palm of your hand, with life's successes coming your way, you're finding your sense of self, nothing can bring you down.
You even meet an incredibly handsome guy who seems to have his life together. how he sweet talks you! tells you exactly the right thing, and your heart starts to ache for him. You're spending this time getting to know each other, then he uses words that suit your lifestyle, maybe your christian, so he says “God Bless, or I am a Christian who has so much love to give", "I believe in respect and loyalty”, everything great this person is saying makes you think “how did I get so lucky, as to find this gentle soul?”
Within the next breath, he asks you, cunningly if you would like to “hook up” or “ let yourself go, give your body to me” by this time, your mind is completely confused, your heart and your mind are trying to think about what just happened. you have this inviting conversation, with a 'trusted' person. you feel betrayed, dirty even, angry for believing this person had so much good in him. you feel like he had just chewed you up and spit you out, and at one point the feeling is so belittling you cant quite find those words to say exactly how you feel - it's every bad word rolled up into one. it's disgusting
What's the difference between a guy who manipulates you to get what he wants (such as have sex with you), using you - the very thing, he says, is the complete opposite of what he stands for?
How can you explain any of this? it's so frustrating!
By this point you want to scream and claw your eyes out, his even. you want to punch something, him, hurt.. him. And what's worse, while he moves on to his next prey, you are still feeling reeled in and caught, and you can't get yourself free. you feel your soul is dying and withering inside of you. what has just happened? He has taken full control over you: your mind, body and soul, almost like he has hypnotised you. His conversation wasn't that long - he hasn't said a long body of discussion to make you unravel your body to him. so how did he manage to catch you? Through many years of practicing manipulation, your heart truly believed he was good, when in reality, he is nothing but a woman using, disrespectful, disloyal, untrustworthy, hateful man.
What is the difference between that and rape, or molestation? The guy has full control over your body, your mind, and again your heart. He prey's on you using force, physical force, while the other uses force of the mind and heart. It all goes hand in hand and we don't realise it before it is too late. Our minds are raped and taken over, while our bodies are being used and abused by these liars, these predators. You scream in agony, thinking, "what has just happened to me?", "he took what was mine!", What is the difference between a guy manipulating the mind to get what he wants, versus a guy raping you forcing you into sexual acts you don't want from him? Absolutely nothing. Both are gained in selfishness, not thinking or caring of your emotions, of who you are and how you felt. Every positive feeling you held toward's yourelf, with one act, he has stripped it all away. And then what?
I was 7 years old when i had my first encounter with a man who tried to take what wasn't his; his hands were all over my body and, at the time, I understood it was wrong, but I never understood why it happend. Over the years, certain guys tried; one guy got far enough, while i was drunk and took advantage. I have always lacked a sense of respect for myself. I have never looked at my body the way a woman should. I have never loved myself, in fact, most of the time I have loathed myself; those men took my control, took my soul, and a huge part of me with them. I even had a conversation with a guy once who I knew right away was no good but, even when he was done his conversation with me, I felt disgusting and used, like i had those times before.
The reason why this is so important for young girls, and women, mature ect. is that we all need to realise we can't give men that power that they want. not all men are like this but, for those who try to take and take, we need to see who they really are - the liars and predator's that they choose to be. We need to take control of our conversations: never lack confidence. Always look them in the eye. tell them with body language - no matter our weight, no matter how we think we look. we always have to have that sense of self acceptance and believe we are worth more than that. we deserve more than that, so we shouldn't give into those people, whether it happens by force, we have to realise it is NOT our fault, and we will never give them our control, or power over ourselves.
How can we fight back? For those who have been through rape, molestation, or mind manipulation, we continue to live our lives the best way we can, and anytime we have a thought of self pity, and maybe start to down ourselves, we keep our head high, and know that he is the one who has nothing, we have everything, and so we keep going. We don't let these guys have what they wanted, our spirit's. So we keep living.
I for a long time never told anyone. I eventually told my mom; she swept it under the rug and we don't really talk about it. My dad, will never know. For me, I realise that I have a long way to go in self acceptance but, for you, don't let anything that life throw's at you, keep you where those guy's want you to be. Never keep quiet about it. never keep it a secret because, through our silence, they grow. Any time something happens, yell about it. tell some girls you know, and let it out. tell them your story and, maybe, because of your speaking out, it will save them from that very thing
No fear. no silence. just speaking up and being the person you, we all deserve to be. Free, self respecting, confident, beautiful, strong women. We take back our control. when we fight back with words, and through living. And besides, what are women best at anyway? girl talk, of course.
Keep silent and they win.
Stay strong and talk, they lose.
Think about it.
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