I moved onto Vancouver Island when I was 4, it was in May of 2000; my parents put me into Mount Brenton Elementery School, a school in Saltair, a 10-15 minute drive from our new house, the house my mother babysat in when she was a teen. I went to that school for the rest of kindergarden and all of grade one, when I finished grade one, at the end of the year assembly, they told us that the schoolboard was shutting down the school, because it was to small... I spent half of my summer barely eating anything, I was miserable, the stormcloud that lasted for one-and-a-half-months!
My mum enrolled me in the big, new, shiney school that had shut Mt. Brenton down. I hated it from the minute I saw it! For clesses they took three of theMt. Brenton kids, and put them in a class of strangers, the three who were put in that class, they weren't very good friends, they respected eachother; one of those kids became a 'social reject', was labelled the 'looser' of the grade, the person no-one talked to unless they were trying to become hated. I was that person. I was teazed and bullied from the first day, my only friend for about three years, was the other social reject in my grade. In those three years, I went from a happy, go lucky kid, too a person who knew how to fight, had to prove herself to everyone, but the largest thing I did, was building walls around myself that nobody broke down for four years, I was in grade six before I met a very special lady who managed to break down the walls effortlessly. But in those four years of building the walls around myself, I became a person of very few, if any good emotions, I had burried the "good" emotions deep, because that was the only way I new of to survive. The only strong emotions I felt, were hate and regret. I wasn't really conected to any of my family, my aunts, I didn;t trust, I was only truely happy when I was with my cousins, and that was maybe once every two weeks, if i was lucky, then I almost never saw them. As a result, I became even more unhappy. In those years, I also figured out that people saw crying as a weakness, so I started bottling up my emotions when I was in grade three, I would never cry infront of other people, and I almost never cried when I was alone either.
That lady who broke down the walls so effortlessly, and uncovered the "happy" emotions, I had never met before, and I was almost hostile to her coming to the area I lived in (she moves around alot, she likes to travel), I didn't like new people, and even more, I didn't like change. I can still remember the first time I saw her, It was a wednesday evening at about 7:25pm, she smile at me as I came in the door, but didn't say anything, I smiled back out of politeness, the smile I gave was empty of any emotion, hers was full of happyness and warmth, something I hadn't know for almost four and a half years. I didn't really want to become friends with this stranger, but I was curious about her, it was just, what I thought to be unnatural for someone to be that happy and welcoming to a stranger. I tried to keep to myself, and not even think of letting myself do something I had never done before, get attached to someone, I was around 11 and had never become really good friends with a person. Well that Idea lasted about five, maybe ten minutes. For the hour that I was there, I jest watched her, totally curious about this person who I had never met before, but I felt a pull towards her. Well it took her about three months before she managed to break down enough barriers to get a hug from me, something I almost never gave to anyone! But she got more hugs from me in the last three months that she was there than my aunts got in about two years! When she left in the summer for northern BC, I had become really really good friends with her, she had become family; and when she left I fell into depression, for almost all of grade seven I was looking for a fight, and well I got alot of them! But the only reason I wanted the fights was because I was totally confused, I didn't know what to do, so I started to fight. I didn't see her for a year, but she came back for about a month, and I almost never saw her, but when I did, wow, I was a very happy person! Again she left, and she came back the next winter for maybe a week, then I saw her again in the summer, twice, and again i saw her for maybe a day and a half in the winter, on the mainland, I didn't really spend any time with her though, and then I saw her twice again this summer. This summer she told me she was going to Ecuador again, for 15 months, she leaves on October 20, 09. And now I'm not sure if she'll come back for about four years though, I'm scared she won't come back, and even more that the bond we have will end up weakened.... I;m not sure, but I think that I might go back to being the person I was before I met her, it'll prolly save me alot of heartache.
I'm not looking for pity, I just wanted to get it off my chest.
anyways, If anyone actually took the time to read untill the end, I thank you greatly, I just needed to tell someone, so I figured that I would blog it!
All the best,
littleone095
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