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| Is it strange? Is it wrong?
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I'm not addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or adrenaline rushes. But I do crave it. Someone says "weed" and my heart thuds and I'll do almost anything for a hit. I dream about the stuff. And alcohol, I really don't like the taste. I'll drown it in something, but I won't stop drinking until we run out, get caught, or someone takes it away.
It's almost like doing things that impairs my ability to think makes it all better, if only for a little while. And I find myself doing risky things. Like standing on the railing of the second story porch, or climbing onto the roof. Because when I'm doing all of those things, I'm not thinking about myself. About what I've done wrong, about how much I hate myself. I'm only thinking about there and then.
The cutting got out of control, as I predicted. I bandaged it up, something I only do if it bleeds alot. I almost got caught again a few times. I left the bandage wrapper out, and then I was careless and had to blame the cuts on the cat. I don't understand some people. They are so completely dumb sometimes. I have so much homework, and projects, and obligations. I really just feel like blowing it all off.
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| Blog Comments
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I too feel like I need the adrenaline rush for the here and now. I would just love to forget the rest of life and enjoy the moment just the way I want to.
But life won't allow that. It demands you to pay a price and I don't want to the pay the price whatever it is. Maybe you're afraid of paying that price too.
We're both like citizens living in a country who refuse to pay taxes. Yet it seems like we're not hurting anybody but ourselves.
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Posted by Zombie
on 2008-04-25 22:49:27
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| Views: 82
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