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| I did it again -Graphic- |
I cut. Not just cut, carved. A word. Into my arm again. I know everyone else already knows my flaws, they point them out all the time. So why do I feel the need to carve them into me?
In a sick, twisted way I like the scars. I like watching myself bleed, and I like seeing the scars. A constant reminder of how I fucked up. I really don't feel like doing anything with myself. I want to go to sleep, and fade away and be rid of this fucking misery. There is no hope, there is no future. I'm so tired of trying so hard in my classes.
I've been handing in bullshit work because I'm too sick of myself to try harder. Grades are the least of my worries. What about the constant struggle between my emotions, my self-hatred, and the struggle it is just to make it to the bus. I'm not making excuses for why I hand in shitty work, I'm just explaining partially why I've stopped trying. The other reason is because I'm lazy and stupid. That's all. I'm going to bed soon. It's only 7:30, but I have nothing better to do with my life.
I've realized something, and I know I've said it before... I don't want to waste my life working, working, working just to die. What's the point? There is no guarantee I'll feel content when I finish highschool and college. What's the point? There is so much death, both deserved and undeserved, around me. How am I supposed to keep a positive attitude with all the wrong going on?
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