The only thing I can think of today are song lyrics. "Today I fell, and felt better." "Paralyzed by the same old antics, back and forth like some walking spastic." "My stomach hurts now, not tied off in lace. I pray beg for anything, to hit me in the face." "I don't see anything now, so just say what you want to say. It's kind fo funny how I'm not listening anyway." Notice connections between these lyrics? They're all by The Used, yes. But there's something else in them that keeps them in my head, there to whisk by thoughts away when I feel vulnerable.

They remind me of myself. My past, people I've met. "Today I fell, and felt better". Relapse. "Paralyzed by the same old antics, back and forth like some walking spastic" Addiction. "My stomach hurts now, not tied off in lace. I pray beg for anything to hit me in the face". Punishment. "I don't see anything now, so just say what you want to say. It's kind of funny how I'm not listening anyway." What do you think it means? I'm between the idea of ignoring those who think lesser of you and suicide. Not seeing anything being death. Notice the words are "I don't see" and then "I'm not listening". The point being almost like "I've gone and killed myself. I don't care anymore, say what ever you want. I'm dead." Either figuratively or literally.

This is what I do when I'm trying not to cut. I don't just listen to the words, I analyze them. You can thank the english department for having their honor students decode countless numbers of literature. So now it's engraved into my mind. And now it helps sometimes. It's usually only temporary, as the messages I see can trigger. Just thought I'd share. You never know who I might be helping...