After the first surgery I recovered quickly I would say. People still looked at me funny as if I was going to break any minute. I did have some bad days but mostly I just maintained. I survived each day keeping my  strenght up and a smile on my face.  I often think back now and wonder just what type of smile did I have on my face-- was it believable.  Either way the most important thing now is I made it. I am still scared.  Inside is still all messed emotionally. I did that with my first acting job of not feeling. I needed that job because two weeks after my first surgery I was under the knife again. You see the doctors didnt remove the entire thyroid so they had to go back in and take out the other half. I lost my voice the second time around but it was temporary. I think it took me about 3 months to feel full speaking range but singing well that is still not easy.  Not like it use to be, which is ok since I do not sing for a living and never really took advantage of my ability to sing. The scar on my neck is faint, I notice it but I am not self conscious about it anymore. If you look at it now I claim it as my badge of honor. I survived all the dread of cancer and all it had to bring.  I am still here.  Now the weight gain I have 10 pounds that belong to someone else. I have always been slim but now I feel like a whale.  No thyroid no way to burn the fat.  I take medication but it a low dose of synthroid so as not to stimulate any left over cancerous thyroid cells. So its weight or death. Still I look like a whale and this whale still does not feel anything. I want so much to just be normal and cry .  Yes people I want to cry but I can not. I have not cried since the cancer thing started. Never shed a tear something inside is still very messed up. Now back to the wieght I know its the least of my worries. But I am female still and this is the only body I am ever going to have so why can it not be the way it use to be.